"God does not make people preferences." In my weakness his strength has occurred
Testimony of Carlo to Vigil to overcome the violence of homotransbiot held in the parish of the Blessed Virgin Mary of the Graces of the Isolotto of Florence on March 20, 2025
I am excited and a little intimidated while I take the floor in front of you, for this reason I decided to read this testimony, because every word that you will listen to has been chosen with care, in the hope that it can reach your heart.
My name is Carlo, I am the son of the Florentine church. I was baptized 53 years ago in the parish of Divine Providence in care. That church is linked to one of my first memories: I will have been four years old, every now and then my mother led me to play in the gardens along the Mugnone and, along the way, stopped there for a short prayer. I still remember how much I liked the warm and reassuring light that enveloped the interior of that sacred building.
At eight years of age, we moved to the San Jacopino district where, under the guidance of Don Dei, an important path began for me between catechism and Catholic action: first in ACR and in the young group, then, with more and more enthusiasm, such as catechist, animator and volunteer.
I loved to listen to words of love, communion, charity and Gospel. I liked to pray, compare myself with others, meet them.
I lived a peaceful life, apparently.
But at 12 years of age I knew the frost of homophobia. Some classmates began to make fun of me with insults like "fagot", "girl", "hole" ... I didn't understand why they did it, perhaps because I was polite and peaceful.
At the time I did not even know the meaning of those words but I understood that they referred to nefarious and unbalanced things, so much that I convinced myself that I shouldn't talk to anyone about it.
The family, the Church, the television, the films, the newspapers: everything had transmitted to me the idea that it was something to despise, shameful and perverse.
So i remained silent.
From that moment I committed myself in everything to be "conforming", irreproachable, integrated, the classic good boy.
But on what I felt deep, a heavy hood calmly: wishes to silence, hidden emotions.
Quando uscì il Catechismo della Chiesa Cattolica, la prima cosa che andai a leggere furono gli articoli sull’omosessualità. Con dolore e rassegnazione, trovai quelle parole: “intrinsecamente disordinato”, e furono proprio quelle parole che usai per giustificare la profonda rimozione che stavo operando su me stesso.
Provate a mettervi nei panni di un ragazzo giovane, impaurito e ferito, come ero io allora: quanto può fare male sentirsi dire, dalla Chiesa che si ama, che la propria capacità di amare è sbagliata?
Così iniziai due relazioni importanti con due ragazze splendide, che mi hanno voluto davvero bene. Cercavo di rispondere alle loro attese, ma ero infelice. Anche nel corpo sentivo disagio. Volevo loro bene, ma dentro mi sentivo inquieto, soffocato.
Alla fine compresi che non ero chiamato alla vita di coppia e questa consapevolezza mi portò un momento di sollievo.
Ma presto capii che neanche la solitudine era la mia strada.
Dentro di me si fece forte una chiamata: sentivo che Dio mi chiedeva una vita di dedizione, di preghiera, di fraternità. Così vissi cinque anni fondamentali in un cammino di speciale consacrazione. Anni centrali per la mia crescita umana e spirituale. Ringrazierò sempre i formatori e i confratelli di quel tempo.
Eppure, in quegli anni, sperimentai una sorta di “narcosi del cuore”, una profonda anestesia dei sentimenti. Ero convinto di non saper amare e, ancor peggio, di non essere degno di essere amato.
Then a little great miracle happened. I understood that my choice had been, after all, an escape: being consecrated gave security and respectability, nobody asked you for why you didn't have a partner. But that was not an authentic motivation, on the contrary, it was a distortion of the vocation. And I decided to leave the order.
And it was thanks to a precious person, the matching Itala Meucci, a highly experienced psychotherapist, who came to really understand my heart. Within me I wanted to affection, reciprocity, a love paid, albeit in a form different from what everyone expected from me: love for a man.
I still remember the profound joy that I felt when I conscious of all this. And above all when I understood that the good God loved me, without condition, exactly for what I was.
Still, I still have my mother's disconsolate gaze in my eyes when I confided to her the truth: "What will people say?"-"How will you be happy?"-"How much will you have to defend yourself?"-"Where did I make a mistake?" - he said crying.
Hard questions, of course, but full of love because he gave a simple person, to whom he had been taught to despise homosexual people.
And then i wonder: becauseis should a mother who loves his son find himself living this conflict?
Only becauseis has society taught them to fear what she doesn't know?
Becauseis we must accept that the'homophobia enters our homes, suffocate dialogue, poisoning l'love with shame?
Becauseis we must tolerate that the'homophobia destroys the most beautiful ties within families?
The biggest miracle, for me, is that i have not lost faith. despite The bad things heard, despite certain injuries, the faith has remained.
I owe it to Kairos Group, to the many brothers and sisters with whom i walked to integrate the spiritual dimension with the Emotional one. and i owe it to many religious and religious who did not take back, who accompanied us, who put their face on it, even when it was difficult and who, as the dear pope Francis said, took "the smell of sheep".
But I also know many people who have moved away from the Church, wounded by hard words and this deeply pains me.
Since homosexuality is not a disease, nor a perversion, why continue to remove from Christ who is looking for love and truth from Christ?
I did not choose to be homosexual - on the contrary I would have gladly done without - but I chose to be the way to be trying to make the Gospel resonate in my life.
And today I can say with serenity: I am proud of my journey, even within the Church, and to be myself. And I'm happy to be able to say: "I know love and I'm loved", thanks to Innocenzo, who has been my partner for twenty years, a precious gift Of god for my life.
>Vigil liturgy for overcoming Omotransfobia 2025 in Florence(pdf file)
>All cities where it will be watched in May/June 2025 for overcoming homotransbphobia
