Francesca and Marco talk about their transition journey

Dialogue byKatya Parentewith Francesca Eva and Marco

Some time ago I interviewed Roberta Rosin and Valentina Cincotto, Dell 'Con-Te-Stare Association di Padova, un'organizzazione che si occupa di accompagnare le persone transgender e di genere diverso (TGD) nel loro percorso di transizione. Now let's leave the floor to the interested party. Francesca Eva, 40 years old and Marco, 28, respond.

FE: Between the sobs of a liberating cry R. and S. were the first to know. Two very old friends with whom I shared a lot before coming out and who were, as well as people who it was easy to consider brothers, home and refuge in particularly difficult and dark moments of my life, all mostly attributable to lack of clarity about my gender identity. I can declare without any doubt that I would have been lost without them, their love and their unconditional support. Even though life has brought us apart, I will always remain grateful for what they have done for me.

M.: To my parents when I was 16.

FE: “You never noticed but you constantly talk about yourself in the feminine way, darling…” a few words full of affection that made me realize that it wasn't a surprise, at least for a good part of the friends or acquaintances to whom I openly declared myself . There was a lot of understanding and the clear impression that they had almost been waiting for that news for a while actually. I can candidly admit that others noticed me even before I realized it.

M.: At the beginning they tried to minimize it (“maybe it's a phase”), which, now that I'm approaching 30, I understand, even though it hurt me at the time. Within a year of my coming out they realized there was something serious going on. Aside from the first few months, they have both always been very supportive. They encouraged me to go to therapy to figure out what might be best for me in the long term. Their priority, despite the misunderstanding, was that I was well.

Was there any figure who was particularly close and supportive to you?

F. E.: There were actually several, all of whom offered me support and help in completely personal and unquestionably valuable ways. My father was the only member of the family to accept my path of affirmation and to show me unconditional love and without any reservations, between the affectionate embarrassment of having to learn to call myself by a new name and the support of those who have always had in mind what it means to be a “father” as well as a parent.

P. e F., una coppia straordinaria che non ha mai mancato di farmi sentire parte della famiglia offrendomi un posto dove stare, affetto e sostegno. D., my ex-partner witnessed the first steps and changes caused by starting therapy. The relationship with him did not end in the best way but it is undeniable that he was a very important person.

E. and D. wonderful friends who made the journey wonderfully simpler and more natural. They weren't the only ones. From this point of view, yes, I consider myself a very, very lucky person.

An example: in my penultimate year I felt so much dysphoria that I couldn't do physical education - it put me in too much contact with my body. I talked about it with the teacher, and we agreed on the exemption drawn up by the neuropsychiatrist who treated me. No discrimination, no further comments or personal opinions, just a sincere (and much appreciated) “I'm completely ignorant about this, but if it makes you feel better, then it should be done”. A few years later, with the medical transition underway, I met her by chance in the city. I greeted her, after a few seconds she recognized me, and with a smile she said: “Look, you're really a boy! I see you well!”.

What do you feel like saying to young people who are experiencing a similar situation to yours?

FE: I would be lying if I said it would be easy because no, it's not. It won't always be, at least. There will be times when your self-confidence may be put to the test but I have always been of the opinion that the precious things and the roads that lead to the goals that really matter are rarely smooth and free of obstacles.

It may seem to you that what is happening is something that concerns only you, that certain sensations, discomfort, disorientation are something that no one, apart from you who experiences it, can really fully understand. It may seem like it but it's not like that. You are not alone and as much as it may sound, yes, at times impossible and absurdly corny, you will learn to be amazed at how many people will be and are willing to love you unconditionally. Enjoy every moment because it will not be the same as the one before and because it will lead you to be proud of yourself and what you have been able to conquer. I love you.

M.: Not knowing the personal situation of others, a classic "everything will be fine in the end" would be to make an inference on invented data, almost scientific fraud. It would also imply that where I am right now is Supreme Knowledge. It will go as it will go, and as it will go it will be sometimes very good and sometimes less good and sometimes very badly, and very badly is just one of the potential paths towards very good. Most things are an unknown, some more than others: it helps me to appreciate uncertainty. Maybe it can help someone else too.

Thanks to Francesca Eva and Marco for sharing such an intimate and delicate part of their lives with us. In the next interview the parents will be the protagonists who will tell us from their point of view this complex moment for everyone involved.