The sex of angels: the struggle of naming poly families
There is a scene that often recurs in the lives of polyamorous people trying to build a stable family. It's not about sex. It's not about transgression. It's about a kitchen, a Christmas lunch, a mother trying to understand, a grandmother asking strange questions out of embarrassment, someone looking for normal words to explain a life that already is normal, at least for those who live it.
Perhaps this is also why the short film “Polyamory explained to mothers and grandmothers” by Roberto Pérez Toledo is so striking.
It tells something that many homosexual and lesbian people have known, especially in the first steps of family recognition: the uncertain explanations, the need to find shared languages, the fear of being reduced to caricatures, the attempt to say "this is my home" without immediately becoming a sociological or moral case.
There is often a curious void around polyamory. There is a lot of talk about consent, relational structures, ethical non-monogamy, relationship anarchy, kitchen table polyamory, solo poly, metamour, compersion, attachment styles, communication protocols...
Sometimes it seems like you're reading a lot of theory that's too abstract... And what about people who try to live together without needing a technical manual?
A daily reflection is still missing, at least in many contexts. Moral, human and spiritual accompaniment is missing.
Imperfect and concrete models are missing. What's missing is someone who says: "Okay, but how do you really build a common life? How do you deal with jealousy, tiredness, loyalty, children, time, mutual care, responsibility?". In a human way, not for superheroes.
The same goes for loyalty. Must we really always suspect it, as if it were necessarily possession? And must jealousy always be denied, ridiculed, "overcome", as if a fragile person had to behave like a perfectly resolved creature of the relational hyperuranium? Maybe some wounds don't ask for slogans. They ask for listening, limits, patience, responsibility.
How can all this be reconciled with faith?
Here the Church can help. There are polyamorous believers who aren't looking for disposable experiences.
They talk about shared responsibility, presence, continuity, loyalty to the family unit, mutual support, children raised together, economic and emotional commitment.
They pray, they participate in ecclesial life, they want to understand how to live all this without separating affection, conscience and faith.
The question then becomes concrete: when more people share care, home, sacrifice, continuity and mutual responsibility, are we sure that the word "family" has nothing to do with it?
Are we sure that we need to escape from the word family, dismantle it, empty it, always treat it like a cage? Many people would like to live there instead.
And the cinema? Cinema does not explain, it tells... it shows... it interprets... it illustrates.
“The Sex of Angels” by Xavier Villaverde also moves within this unstable area. It does not propose posters. It shows desires, confusion, attraction, friendship, fragility, the need to be recognized. It shows relationships seeking form while they are already living. And perhaps this is the point: people arrive before models.
By the way... this is exactly what Polifamiglie APS is organizing an evening of cinema and dialogue on 3 June at the Cinema Fratelli Marx in Turin, as part of the Turin Pride Off, with the contribution of the City of Turin. During the evening we will also present the book "History and stories of family polyamory", born from the desire to collect concrete experiences, questions, tensions and attempts to build something, a shared home.
PARTICIPATE: https://fb.me/e/cllteX9kZ
