Misoginia and hidden homophobia of many gays

Simon moritz Article Based on the website The Huffington Post (United States), of April 17, 2013, freely translated by Giacomo Tessaro

I'm not calm during sex: i communicate my desires and i ask my partners to do the same. i believe that This not only creates a safe sexual experience but also contributes to the utmost pleasantness for both of them.
If I emit sounds that are not words, more or less it means that I am having fun.

The others generally respond to this type of non -verbal communication; I met a single person who objected to my use of non -verbal expressions, and this person is Peter.

Peter is a gay I have slept with once. I met him in a gay bar when I lived in New York, and I thought it was perfect. He worked with the homeless and young homosexuals. He had a dog. It was a little taller than the average, tables, with jeans, a t-shirt and puma high sneakers. He had a beard. He said things like "I do not look like guys from your age at all" (he was 11 years older than me) and "I never go home with someone the same evening I met him".
When in the end he came home with me and we were naked in my bed, he kissed my neck and I began to move and pant, on turns. He stopped, looked at me in the eyes and said “Don't do it. It's fagot. "

This was many years ago and I had not yet learned that with people like Peter you have to do it or not pay us, or laugh on it, or teach them something, so I became a caricature of the "not fagot": I started grunty (without moving), To pretend not to have been wounded by what he had said (feelings are a girls, I remembered I learned in childhood), and I tried to act in the most male way possible, because this is the opposite of being a fagot, The opposite of the checca that gesticulates, speaks quickly with the acute little voice and says "dear". I became so silly because I wanted Peter he loved me.

At the following appointment he gave me hole and since then I have not heard it anymore. Later, overcoming the typical phase "Where did I make a mistake?" of self -invoving, I wondered "What does it mean that Peter gave me some fagot for expressing my pleasure?" And so I learned that people like Peter is part of a wider problem: the pervasive misogyny.

In English we use many words such as "young lady" and "fairy", or female names, such as homophobic words, and despite being certainly used to perpetuate homophobia, in themselves do not express this: the use of these words in an offensive sense It usually addresses people with a masculine body who do not behave enough of males. They give value to masculinity by demonizing femininity.

This is probably rooted in some surpassed and essentialist reading of the genre, for which women are biologically weaker and pathetic sex, but today we know that, in addition to being absolutely offensive, gender essentialism is more or less bullshit, Because women can vote and work and beat submissive men, and men can cook and clean and stay at home with children.
But even if it is relatively easy to deconstruct the misogyny of Peter's unacceptable attitude, go to the root of why a man, while he is naked in bed with another man and kisses him, considers the expression of pleasure of that too gay man, It is a more complicated thing. My suggestion is that the fact that Peter gave me a fagot to be part of the general cultural heritage of us homosexuals.

Homosexuals live in a continuous struggle: today we fight for the right to marry us legally and in 2003 we fought for the right to consenting sex, but sixty years ago the gay role models fought for the right to exist in public or in private. To earn these rights they used an effective strategy called assimilation, which imposed homosexual people to seem and behave as much as possible as the straight.
The Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis intentionally did it in the 1950s, and it was probably the most aggressive thing to make "we are normal, just like you" in an era in which the police were authorized to run in gay bars, arrest those who subsidized them and publish names and photos in the newspaper of the next day.
In any case, the "just like you" literally erased gay and lesbians of color from the movement and made the transgender invisible, because the "just like you" referred to white men in power and their wives, who had the power to legally validate any homosexual identity.
Assimilation was a success in the sense that discrimination against LGBT people is now illegal in many forms, but created an "acceptable gay man", white and masculine, who certainly did not say "dear". He also created and validated one of the excuses preferred by homophobic bigotry, "gays are fine with me, as long as they do not show it", because suddenly there were gays that were not "normal". The "normal" gays today monkey the hetero Bigotti who justify the mistreatment of gays in general with the excuse of "abnormal" gays.

Peter is a "normal" gay, so, when I started getting out of "normality", he resumed me in a very similar way to what a policeman would have done, a gymnastics instructor or a parent in the 1950s (and even today , to be righteous). And even if more than sixty years have passed since the 1950s, this attitude remains pervasive: look at any gay dating site or apps for smartphones and you will see our twisted legacy in the form of "preferences" based on the hierarchy of what can Looking typical of a successful hetero: "Masculine, muscular, no effeminate, only white".
Even if the irony does not escape that none of us is straight, i want to highlight how much all this is: we are literally contributing to our oppression by supporting this bizarre legacy of misogyny created in the 1950s.

We make things easier to all LGBTs and stop imitating the worst part of intersexism. Who knows? We could even start supporting each other. This would be a revolution.

Original text: What I LeaRned From Gay Sex: Misogyny and Homophobia

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