The overhanging love of a mother for her lesbian daughter
Testimony of Lynn published on the My Kid Is Gay website (United States), freely translated by Giulia Garofani
When my daughter came out at the age of twenty -five, I felt overwhelmed by many emotions. As a mother, I immediately thought: “How could I not notice? What have I not noticed? What did I be wrong? ". Instead of putting it first, I only thought of me and my parent's skills. I searched for a reason why it could not be true. This was not the life I wanted for my daughter: I wanted a son -in -law and grandchildren, in short, a traditional life. But I knew that she was everything except traditional.
Since my daughter lived in another city when she got out, she told me by phone. It was not the ideal, but it was probably better this way, because of the emotions we were both feeling. After a telephone conversation full of tears, I ran to her bedroom when she was a child, thinking that in some way she would make me feel closer to her. I thought that maybe I would find some clues that would make me digest this new information.
I pulled out some of his old school photos, annuars, diaries, whatever I could find to see what I hadn't noticed. I certainly got something lost. A perfect mom would have noticed it before, or would have grown her in a better environment, where she would feel more comfortable, and she would find out before.
Remembering all his difficulties in high school and university, my emotions passed from the desire that it was not a lesbian, when giving me the blame for not having allowed her to be who it really was. He had behaved like the person I wanted to be, instead of finding herself. I had always criticized the parents who lived indirectly through their children; Now I was realizing that I had done this too.
I don't like emotional pain, and i tried to find a way to overcome it as soon as Possible. my husband says i can move on to new concepts faster than other people. It took me only a couple of days to understand that what i had to concentrate on it really was not what i had done or i had not done during his childhood: that was the past, and it could No longer be changed. what really mattered now was what i Would do today. what really mattered was what my little girl needed now: my unconditional love. i could Have clarified the situation later, assuming that it was to be clarified.
A mother never wants to see her daughter suffer. My little girl was passing through the most painful experience of her life, frightened to ruin our relationship to be herself. he Needed the certainty that i would be there, in any case.
I wanted so much to get on a plane, run to her and take her in her arms as when she was three years old, and tell her that everything would go well. Instead, we had long telephone conversations, rich other tears and emotions. Thanks to these conversations, however, he learned that I would continue to stay by his side in any case. I am proud of her, and I am extremely proud to be her mother.
Original text: "What Did I Do Wrong?" Lynn's Coming Out Story
