Why can't we talk about "love" between two homosexual people?

Letter and response taken from Famiglia Cristiana n.8 of 20 February 2005

"The fruitfulness of love is not given by the number of children – writes a reader to Famiglia Cristiana –, but by the ability to transmit those interior riches that are in every man, before in every couple".

Dear father, I am a faithful reader, married for forty years, mother of two children, profoundly Catholic. And, certainly, heterosexual. I carefully read Corrado's letter and, above all, his response, published in the "Conversations" (FC no. 30/2004 ). While Corrado explains his doubts calmly and serenely, I cannot see the same in his reply.

I don't want to get into sterile polemics, but rather propose a simple "parable". Let's take two boys born, raised and educated in Catholic environments, and themselves deeply observant: one is heterosexual, the other not (whether one is born or becomes homosexual is a psychological, medical, genetic, chemical reality: in short, anything but religious).
At the height of sexual maturity, the straight boy finds a partner, marries her and, finally, together they "consummate" the marriage.

The other boy also finds a partner, with whom he begins a love relationship. But, to remain faithful to the principles of religion, he cannot demonstrate his sexuality. Why are only people born with certain inclinations allowed to experience full sexual activity? Why do the others, the "different", have to stand by and watch? Life is one, unique and unrepeatable.

If, as you write, homosexuals have managed to create an original model of relationship, it doesn't seem to you that the terms "respect, fidelity, indissolubility, fertility and openness to the world" could be the ingredients (perhaps not in the same proportions) of any interpersonal relationship and, therefore, not strictly linked to married life? Why can't they be adequate to describe a same-sex relationship?

But let's focus on a word as special as lisa, so dear to Christians that it is used always, everywhere and in any case (perhaps it is a little inflated): I am referring to love. Religion teaches us that God is love, that creation is an act of love, that we must love God and our neighbor, that the generation of a new life is a gesture of love..., and so on, flirting.
It is distressing that a word with such a broad and multi-faceted meaning cannot be used to describe the emotional - and why not, even sexual (we are flesh, after all!) - relationship that binds two people of the same sex.

Even more incredible is the justification given: "homosexual love is not love because it is not fruitful." If being fertile means having children, believe me, there are already many children, the result of desired and unwanted fertility.
You are also called "father", but I don't think you ever gave birth to any creature, do you? The fruitfulness of love is not given by the number of children, but by the ability that we Christians have to transmit to them - but also to family members, friends, work colleagues, to all the people we meet... - those interior riches that are in every man, before in every couple.

A final provocation: aren't even sterile heterosexual couples, i.e. biologically infertile, bearers of an original love?

In the problem of homosexuality we must first take into consideration the person, then the inclination and behavior, and finally the legal recognition of a possible relationship. The utmost respect is due to the person, because they are made in the image of God and therefore the custodian of all rights. On this point there is still a lot to do, both on the part of heterosexuals, who must be welcoming and respectful, and on the part of homosexuals, who make a mistake in showing their "gay pride".

As for inclination, the homosexual feels within himself a tendency that he has not given himself, and must ask himself how to live it. But this applies to any inclination. In fact, man feels the need to know, love, play, eat, drink, relate...
But between inclination and behavior there is reason, which tells us how to behave if we want to grow and make the community grow. Man, unlike animals, is free and can decide how to live the different inclinations of his life, including the homosexual one: must he satisfy them? And how?

First, however, it is worth asking ourselves what we mean by sexuality. Unfortunately, even today, many identify it with genitality. When we talk about sexual relationships, we always think only of the genital relationship, and we forget that sexuality is a much broader reality. Which qualifies the whole person, gives rise to a different way of loving and opening up to life and the transcendent.

The whole person, in every expression, is marked by sexuality, that is, by his masculinity and femininity. When, however, we think and experience sexuality only as genitality, we mortify it. We forget the potential of affection, tenderness, welcome, availability, solidarity, care, attention... that it is capable of generating.

There can be sexual intercourse based on all these aspects, without involving genitality. In the relationship between a brother and a sister, for example, sexuality also comes into play (i.e. the fact of being a man or a woman), but physicality is not involved in any way. And the same can happen between two homosexual people, who establish a relationship of profound affection.

We must, however, note that two important elements are missing in this type of homosexual relationship. The first is "gender diversity", which gives a particular color of life to every relationship between man and woman (or even between brother and sister, friend and friend, father and daughter, mother and son). In fact, in a family where the children are not all male or all female, there is a richer dynamic. The masculine is wealth for the feminine, and the opposite is similarly true. Whoever deprives himself of it remains impoverished.

But homosexual relations lack a second element: "procreative fertility". Here it is necessary to understand each other well. Procreation is the greatest miracle that occurs in nature. It is like a "big bang" that radiates energy and life throughout the community, and not just in those who generate this extraordinary fact.
In men and women the marital relationship grows due to the fact that they both enjoy the presence of their child, and together they become responsible for his life. The child gives rise to a dense network of new relationships, which makes everyone richer and more responsible towards life. And, above all, it opens humanity to the future.

The homosexual relationship, even if it creates a relationship that develops affection, care for others, fidelity, solidarity..., does not produce in people and in the community those goods that arise from gender difference and procreative fruitfulness. He will never develop all the life potential contained in sexuality, that is, in being human in a male or female way.

Must we then conclude that all homosexual behavior is illicit? Certainly not, if the homosexual inclination is educated to express itself as affection, help, care, solidarity, mutual availability. They are expressions of life that make people grow. And they also make constructive human feelings exist in the community.
But, in any case, it is completely out of place to talk about marriage and family. These are terms that are very far from the experience between two people of the same sex.