Sixteen years and not hear them. I'm just a gay boy
Testimony sent to us by Giuseppe
My name is Giuseppe, I am 16 years old and I live in Naples. Of these 16 years of life I can say that they have always been somewhat hard, but with the difference that I lived more than the first half in the complete unawareness of what I was and what was waiting for me. As a child, to kindergarten, I think I had a sort of social phobia: I didn't want to be in contact with other children because I was excessively shy ... and I felt different.
In elementary up to fifth it is as if I had a normal period ... in which I did not realize that I had no friends, or in general that I had never looked at any girl ... then at 10 years like a flash it is as if I had opened up in front of me who had always remained hidden and still a stretch impetuously asked to be listened to ... so through the internet one day I found myself looking at the images of naked boys.
And the first feeling I felt were the feelings of guilt and the need to observe me in the mirror repeating myself to repress these drives.
Later the middle schools began and my feeling of diversity from others increased ... The first average was the period of bullying, in which I was the usual nerd that is targeted ... the second instead was when I fell in love with a boy who lived in the same way, and he was also the only male friend I had had until then ... I was realized that what I had repressed was actually as well as sexual attraction.
However, all this would not have lasted for a long time, because after more than a year and a half in which I also came out with my mother (with whom I have always had a good relationship and accepted me), I realized that I could not ... I could not wait for a straight to fall in love with me.
Afterwards the chat period began and we come to date: where what I am is a gay boy who cannot find a balance, since I do not find myself in the extravagant and alternative models of the gay world, nor can I insert myself among the straight ... I also attended gay environments, but most of the gays I met are not like me…. Sometimes I was also judged because they are not the classic stereotyped gay, with a voice and way of walking female, flashy etc ... and often from many gays I had to endure "Naaa but you are not gay, you don't seem".
And for the rest what to say ... I have never been able to get to know a decent, kind, polite, simple boy who understands me quite at the bottom or is equipped with sufficient sensitivity to understand how I am ... I only met "rough" and cynical boys.
What i currently feel is a feeling of solitude, loss and confusion mixed with the desire to escape, need for affirmation and spirit of achieving full conquest of my life.
I hope i have not bored you, thanks for reading my story.
