"You know, my daughter is a lesbian." The coming out of a mother
Testimony of Michele* published on the site My Kid is Gay (United States), freely translated by Federica Ottaviano
Zoe came out with me at eighteen years. Until then, we had always had our own way of having our conversations: she told me that she wanted to talk to me about something, and asked me if it was the right time. I told her that I had to do a couple of calls on the phone first, and then we sat down to talk about anything she had the need to tell me.
That evening, however, I was lying in bed because I didn't feel well when Zoe entered. He lay down next to me and said: "Mom, I have to tell you something". And I replied: "Really? Do you have to say it right now?". But she was adamant: "Yes, I have to say it now". So he did. He told me he was a lesbian.
When the time has come to speak to the others about Zoe's sexuality, we almost prevented it from happening. I thought, since no one calls others to say "You know, my daughter is heterosexual", why would I have to make such an ad on my daughter? I didn't think they were anyone's business, unless it was Zoe who wanted it. But, of course, like anything, reality is much more complicated than it seems at the beginning.
A few months have passed, and dear friends have invited us to dinner (friends who have always loved Zoe). I told them that Zoe would return home by the university that day, they were enthusiastic about the idea of seeing her, so they told me to take her with us to dinner. Except that Zoe was returning home with his girlfriend, Madi, and I didn't know how to explain it to my friends.
Instead of finding the right words, I simply said "Ok, Zoe will bring a friend". They, of course, have also extended the invitation to his "friend". I said to Zoe, as soon as he returned, that she and Madi had been invited to dinner with us, but then I explained to her that I didn't tell our friends that the two of them darkened.
Zoe then pointed his feet. He said he wouldn't go to dinner, unless everyone knew that she and Madi were a couple. He didn't want to lie about it. It was understandable, and it was the first time that Zoe really acted with conviction, but we had very little time before going to dinner. I didn't know what to do.
My husband then suggested telling our friends that Zoe had lost the train, so we would have completely avoided the conversation. At that moment, however, I realized that I didn't want to lie either, so I told them the truth: "In reality, Zoe has not lost the train. He is at home. He wanted me to tell you that he is a lesbian, and that his friend is not just a friend, but his girlfriend. I also wanted that you knew".
They did not slam an eye. They only asked if he was happy, and I told them yes, that he was, and a lot. The wife replied then: "This is what matters". Before the dinner very fine, her husband told me "I want you to say to Zoe who will always be like a daughter for us, and I would like him to come next time to dinner".
* This story was originally published in This is a book for Parents of Gay Kids.
Original text: "I Didn't Know How To Tell My Friends." Michele's Coming Out Story
