"Mom, your daughter loves you." Letter written to a mother from a catholic lesbian

Article by Kristin Russo* Published on the website My Kid is Gay (United States), freely translated by Valentina Gallipoli

In 2011, Kristin Russo wrote this letter for Everyone Is Gay, dedicated to a young woman whose mother was in difficulty with the sexuality of her daughter.
We hope that these words can serve as an important reminder for many other parents out There. your children love you

Dear mom, Your daughter loves you. He loves you in the same way you love her, a love that consumes you, comes out of your chest, terrifies you and is beautiful.

This is, and it will always be, the most important thing. Remember it, and repeat it to yourself when it is difficult for you to get up from the sofa due to confusion and despair.

I came out with my mother thirteen years ago. i Was seventeen. my Mother grew up in a very rigorous catholic family, and has an unwavering faith. the Belief that homosexuality was a shame was a legacy of that faith, up to thirteen years ago.

When I told my mother that I was a lesbian, she was not angry ... she was absolutely terrified and with a broken heart at the thought that her daughter was doing something that would have made her go to hell. He begged me, screamed and cried, he was very angry, frightened and confused.

I quarreled with her violently, and at that moment I thought it was just because I could not stand his ignorance. Now, if I think back to those quarrels, I know they were fed by the fact that I could see how much it loved me also through his pain, and he killed me to see her suffer so much because of my identity ... because of something I could not change.

My mother and I have had a conflictual relationship for many, many months. Then we started talking, and she began to help me, to make me understand her pain. I grew up, I managed to see that pain and talk to her with love.

Over time he began asking me about my life, and he wanted to meet the girl I was falling in love with. At the beginning things were uncertain, as always in these situations, but we committed ourselves a lot to find a meeting point, where she could maintain her faith and at the same time love me and be participating in my life.

Your daughter loves you.

I cannot sit here and tell her that you are wrong, that everything you believe in is wrong, but what I can tell her is that most of the things we cling to so strongly are uncertain ... all of us, deeply, we believe that on the day of our death we will really be able to walk to the doors of paradise and see our grandparents who await us on the other side, or we will be able to understand a feeling and a presence that we could not imagine. Except that we don't know, we can't know. Here's what's so beautiful and terrifying in this life.

You don't have to throw away what you get so strongly. You just have to loosen the grip a little and open up to dialogue with your daughter. There will be days when you will see a pair of lesbians on the street and you will be overwhelmed by anger, and you will burn dinner, and you will blame those stupid lesbians.

You will also have days when you find a photo of your daughter, from when she was seven years old and stole your tricks and then cover your face of purple lipstick, and your love will break into the lungs, stomachs and eyes, and you will cry because you will know that you can never let her go.

Be patient with yourself through this process, but accepts the fact that it is a process. Life is not always being in the same place, but having beliefs and questioning them, thinking and questioning themselves as you cling to the few things that will always remain constant: the people you love, and who love you unconditionally.

Your daughter loves you

* Kristin is a managing director and co-founder of"Everyone Is Gay"is"My Kid Is Gay". Hosted and produced the first season ofFirst Person, a series of videos on the genre and sexuality ofPBS Digital. Is co-author of the bookThis is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids(Chronicle, 2014) + co-director ofA-CampAnd he obtained a Master's degree in gender studies at the Cuny Graduate Center in Manhattan.

Original text: The Letter I Wish I Wrote When I Came Out