Una vita molto normale. Storia di una coppia gay e dei suoi cinque figli
Article by JamesMichael Nichols and Eric Criswell published on the Huffington Post (United States) on 17 June 2016, freely translated by Giacomo Tessaro
“It's really easy, you just have to treat them with respect, treat them like people.” This is the advice of John Pica-Sneeden, who knows it. He and his partner Brian have been parents for a long time: in thirty years they have adopted five children. Well yes, long before everyone was talking about same-sex marriage and Whitney Houston was all over the radio, John and Brian were doing something others only dreamed of: creating a family based on respect and love.
We are in New York in the 80s: a friend of John's would like to introduce him to a guy, Brian: she is sure that they will find each other immediately. No one knew then that their bond would last a lifetime and change the lives of four boys and a little girl on a Connecticut farm: “If someone had told me when I was twenty or so that I would be married for 31 years, have five children and live in a house in the country, I would have thought they were crazy!” Yet all this happened. according To Brian “Our life has always seemed very normal to us. We met, fell in love, moved to Connecticut, built our professional careers and then decided we wanted kids.”
A woman who worked with John talked about adoption, but he was skeptical: he didn't think an agency would accept them. But he answered “Who knows? Let's call them!”. Shortly thereafter, John and Brian attended a meeting hosted by the agency, after which they spoke with the executive director. Brian asked if anything prevented a gay couple from fostering or adopting children, and the life-changing answer was quick and short: "No". They had to wait three long years but finally had their first child, Carl. By law only one of them could legally adopt but both went to court: the judge asked Carl if he knew what he was getting into. Without any hesitation the boy put his arms around John and Brian and said simply "Yes!". And the two began their life as parents. “I don't know if we were really prepared for the next twenty years, but who is?” says John.
The next twenty years were not always easy. After Carl, in eight years they adopted three more children: Charles, Adam and Anthony. Their dream of having a big family had come true and the state rewarded them as one of the best adoptive families in the area. They soon began telling their story at various meetings throughout Connecticut and became spokespersons for adoption, not only for gay adoption, which was still very rare at the time, but for the foster and adoptive family system in general. According to Brian “We felt it was important to lead others by example. We are nothing but loving parents and it is very nice that our family is not only accepted, but is recognized as exemplary in providing support to its members."
One of the most important things for John and Brian is to provide their children with a history of memories. When the child entered the house for the first time they took a photo, framed it and hung it on the wall, so that the child would see it the next time. They spent time doing activities together, holiday gatherings with all the extended families, vacations twice a year: “We're not rich, but we know what's important, so we live within our means, taking the family on holiday twice a year – it's something that means a lot to all of us.”
John and Brian want to make it clear that the path of the two fathers was not always easy. For most families it is not easy to emerge from their children's adolescence without drama and scars. The two have gone through the joys and struggles of raising four boys and have always believed that their duty as fathers was to demonstrate love, discipline and patience. And their sacrifices were not in vain, as Carl summarizes well: “Now I would probably be dead or on the street if it weren't for my two daddies.”
Just when they thought they were done raising children, they were told of a five-year-old girl living in their town. Brian had always wanted a daughter, and after meeting Selina, the two decided they were still available, ready and able to be fathers. On the threshold of sixty, John and Brian admit that they no longer have the energy they once had and that Selina will be their last adoption. She is currently the only daughter who lives at home with them: the others have grown up and live on their own: “Selina has truly been a blessing to us. Now she is in high school, very busy with the choir and the theater group. He will graduate with good grades."
According to John, the world of adoption has evolved very little in the last thirty years: although the capacity of LGBT families in fostering and adopting has grown significantly, the system is still overloaded and the staff is overworked. Her hope is that more social workers and potential families can be attracted to help the huge number of children waiting for adoption. John recalls: “It was a very normal life. We were just two people who fell in love, made a nest, had children and did the best we could with what we had." More normal than that...
Original text: Here's The Beautiful Story Of How These Dads Created Their Family Over 3 Decades
