Two mothers with transgender children tell their story

Dialogue byKatya Parentewith two mothers with transgender children

After the therapists and children, it is now time to feel the parents who are basically called to give life to their creatures again, unlike the first time and, in some ways more traumaticly. Here with us there are two mothers, Gabriella and Mara who will share their experience with us.

What was your first reaction by discovering that she has a child/a transgender?

G: The first reaction was confirmation. Our son had already made a coming out for his sexual orientation and therefore his revelation of gender identity was a liberation on his part and one, in fact, confirms for us. Of course, immediately after the concern for the whole path he would face, he took over and we immediately told Ryan, is the name that our son chose, to ask our doctor information and names of qualified people who would accompany him in his path. And here we are, followed by the "Con-Te-Testa" Association, ready to see our happy and realized son.

M: I hadn't felt well in his body for a long time, but I believed that the problem was related to his sexual orientation. The day he clearly told me that he felt he belonged to the opposite sex to that attributed to him at birth my immediate reaction was of anguish, confusion and loss; In a moment I made all the malaise that he had endured in that long period and I felt guilty for not having understood it before and for not being of help ...

A moment later, however, I had activated myself in search of information and someone who could help my son, of competent and loving professionals. And I finally found The "Con-Te-Testa" Association.

Have you been the first to know about their desire for transition, or had they already confided with others (friends/relatives/teachers ...)?

G: My son when he communicated his desire for genre affirmed to us held his sister by the hand ... and I said everything. Of course his girlfriend also knew.

M: No, I was not the first person who learned of his desire for transition, even if his malaise and what he told me had made me think! I had simply convinced myself that he did not conform to the stereotypes that society imposes on us, instead his discomfort was deeper, it was not recognizing himself in his own body. A little time later to his coming out I learned that he had confided with his younger sister, who immediately supported him and encouraged him to undertake the path of genre affirmation.

What was the path that led you to the full acceptance of her/he?

G: In reality we have not made a real path, the love for him made us accept his condition. The same that accompanies us every day and accompanies it step by step to complete the path. However, we also informed ourselves with our child on the meaning of so many terms because unfortunately ignorance tends not to accept. It is enough to know and everything becomes easier.

M: I immediately accepted his desire for gender affirmation. As parents I have always thought that children must be accepted as they are and not as we would like them, and this certainly helped me. What I didn't accept at the beginning was his pain, his feeling bad and no longer wanting to live.

To elaborate the condition of my son, it was of great help to participate in the meetings of the Parents Group organized by the "Con-Te-Testa" Association. Moments of sharing where everyone's personal experience helps and enriches the other.

How useful has the comparison with other parents were useful?

G: The comparison with other parents was and is very useful. Knowing them and knowing their stories gives us strength and confirms that what we are doing is the right thing for us and for our son. We feel understood, welcomed, comforted and ready to face the battles to make everyone understand that we are beautiful "normal" families.

M: comparison with other parents is certainly useful, I would dare to say essential! Who can understand you better if not who has experienced exactly your own situation? The meetings we keep in association are moments of great emotions, comparison, mutual support and want to be open to all those parents who feel lost and need help as I was at the beginning.

What do you feel like saying to the families who are experiencing a situation similar to yours?

G: To families we say we are close to their children/EE to find all the tools necessary to support competent people. In moments of despair, which are there, it is positive to confront those who share the same situation and the same path.

M: I feel strongly saying that I never abandon their children, to always stay with them by understanding and supporting them. It is certainly not a simple path, we must stop to reflect, understand and accept that we parents also need to be helped and supported by competent people, only in this way will we be able to help our children able.

We have reached the end of this triptych (here you can find the other two parts). A sincere thanks to these strong and understanding mothers, who show each of us what it means to love and be really close to their children.