Children, parents, partners, straight and gay. Stories of HIV -positive families (HIV+)

Testimonies taken from the Avv.org website (England), freely translated by Laura M.

Here is a selection of testimonies sent to Avat.org* by people who have a friend or a relative affected by the HIV virus.
Stories of men, women and young people (straight and gay) who coexist with HIV and AIDS from all over the world.

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An anonymous testimony:My boyfriend has had a fever for more than a week. Initially, the doctors suspected could be the Dengue virus, but they were not present skin outlets. They advised him to take the HIV test and today he knew he was positive (HIV+). I know he has regretted what he has committed in the past and now worries about the future, but I will not only leave him to face all this. We will do it together.

Alicia: The relationships between me and my father have always been tense because there has never been during my growth. I finally met him last summer and it was then that I discovered his HIV positive. During all these years I have hated him, but now the thought of losing him scares me.

My positive dad:When my father was diagnosed, the HIV was 1995 and was only 34 years old. He kept it hidden for almost 5 years. The day we discovered it was the saddest of my whole life. I wanted it to be happy, but unfortunately, during his life, he had made wrong choices: he was still very young when he had started smoking grass and then moved on to heavier drugs and finally to heroine, who continued to take for almost the whole My childhood, during which he entered and released several times in jail.
The drugs completely took control and left me, my brother and sister alone. He also began to share syringes and have unprotected sex with women who in return promised to get them drugs or give him the money for the dose of both. As if having a HIV positive parent was not enough, a few years later we discovered that my mother had also infected. It's sad.
My father was missing in 2003 and my mother in 2004. I would like to appeal: please always use precautions. You will not be the only ones to suffer from your mistakes.

A.: My name is A. and I live in Kenya. I am not the one who contracted the virus, but my 28 -year -old sister. The man who infected her went abroad long ago and she lives alone away from me and her family. I don't know how to help her. I know she is devastated and stressed because it often complains about headache and skin outbursts with me, so I try to comfort her by phone, but I feel that it is not enough. I don't know what a stadium to be of the disease because it still has to find out. In addition, my family has not yet learned the news and I don't know how they will react. I am very worried and this is affecting my work, especially when I think of her. I would like to tell the people who live with this disease of being strong: God does not abandon anyone in the moment of need. I want a world of good and I will continue to pray for her every day.

Net: Ho voluto raccontare la mia storia dopo aver letto quelle di altre donne risultate positive all’HIV.  Sono molto credente e quando incontrai questo ragazzo magnifico, dopo anni di relazioni sbagliate, pensai che finalmente Dio mi aveva mandato il mio principe azzurro. Ebbi un rapporto sessuale non protetto con quest’uomo, ma sentivo che c’era qualcosa di sbagliato. Pregai Dio di proteggermi. Una settimana dopo mi disse che al centro commerciale facevano i test per l’HIV gratis e voleva farlo anche lui. Lo guardai e gli chiesi come mai volesse fare il test e lui mi rassicurò che si trattava solo di un controllo. In realtà non sapevo che la sua ex ragazza lo aveva chiamato al telefono dicendogli che presto lo avrei lasciato. Lui non sapeva che fosse sieropositiva, ma sapeva che qualcosa in lei non andava, così fece il test.  Risultò positivo e, non sapevo come darmi la notizia, chiese alla clinica di farlo per lui. Il mio test risultò negativo. Era felice per me, ma allo stesso tempo scioccato e ferito dai suoi risultati perché non è mai stato il tipo di uomo che va a letto con donne diverse. La sua ex ragazza non lo aveva avvisato e voleva che contagiasse anche me. Lo ha chiamato al cellulare per dirgli di tornare da lei e che io lo avrei lasciato perché ero risultata negativa. Ora sono nel reparto medico della casa di cura per malati terminali. Credo che Dio abbia fatto sì che io entrassi nella sua vita per aiutarlo. A volte mi chiedo perché è dovuta andare così con un uomo così fedele a me, ma prego Dio di darmi la forza per stare al suo fianco. Lo amo. Ho sempre pregato per un brav’uomo nella mia vita e l’ho avuto. Ripeterò il test tra un paio di mesi. Sono sicura che Dio ci proteggerà entrambi. Amen!

Cc.:This is the story of the most adorable of the half brothers. When I met him he was 11 years old. Giocherellone. Fun. He always had to have opposite opinions on politics and religion. However, now it's too late to help him. He never told us how bad he was. He never asked for help. He was depressed because he didn't know how to tell his parents who he was. I am so angry with her parents for not understanding that she needed help. The last time I saw him healthy was May 2008. Shortly after he was hospitalized and died in a few months for a primary lymphoma of the central nervous system caused by AIDS. His partner was unable to stay in the room as they detached the respirator. Some people fail. From that day I miss more than life itself. I would give everything to get him back with me another couple of years and be able to tell him, every day, how much I love him. My nephew knows him from the photos and says his name. She is special, but he can never know her. God welcomed him in his arms and I know he is happy. I wish people knew that AIDS can touch any family at any time. Please don't make the mistake of excluding them from your life. One day you will miss you to die. He was 34 years old when he died.

Your brother is lost without you.
Your grandchildren have a furrow in their hearts.
And your half -sister loves you and makes your lack.
I know you can walk now.
I know you don't suffer anymore.
We will meet again.

Jojo: I lost my beloved brother because of the AIDS. It was my hero. A month has passed now, but it's hard to think that it has gone. I knew about his illness since 1996 and for some reason he showed himself very strong and had accepted and fought the disease as if it were nothing to worry about. It was I who worried me and it was he who told people to talk to me. The day he died had preferred to stay inside the house and had started sending messages of encouragement and love to all his telephone contacts.
When I returned home he was very cheerful and joked as he loved to do with everyone ... I told him that I was tired and he advised me to rest on the sofa, which I did after 20 minutes. I woke up agitated without understanding the reason, I went to his room where he was sending messages to friends and I saw that he had gone with his cell phone still in his hand. It was certainly at peace, surely. I don't know whether to thank God for taking him with him in this way or asking him because he did not make me understand that he was dying.

Anon: Ho perso il mio unico fratello per colpa dell’AIDS l’11 Settembre 2007. Nel Settembre 1996 gli fu diagnosticata l’AIDS in fase conclamata e gli diedero 6 mesi di vita. Io e lui fummo gli unici due a esserne a conoscenza per due anni: se ne vergognava e sentiva di potersi fidare solo di me. Sono più grande di lui di 12 anni e gli sono sempre stata molto affezionata. Era il mio migliore amico. Viaggiavamo per il paese assieme e mi diceva tutti i suoi segreti. Prenotammo le visite mediche a un’ora di distanza perché aveva paura di andare da un dottore più vicino a casa sua. All’inizio era un gigante: 1 metro e 92 per 114 kg, ma nel giro di poco tempo perse circa 30 kg. Con la terapia farmacologica recuperò qualche kilo e andò avanti così per altri 5 anni. Un mese dopo aver scoperto la malattia, nostra madre subì un intervento di triplo baypass e pregai segretamente che morisse: pensavo che sarebbe stato meglio per lei non sapere e non vedere la morte del figlio. Era il più piccolo in una famiglia di 3 figlie e un solo maschio. Era un gigante buono, come lo chiamavano anche i suoi colleghi. Sul posto di lavoro aveva una buona assicurazione ed era stato promosso supervisore, ma nell’ultimo anno e mezzo della sua vita aveva perso così tanti giorni di lavoro da essere degradato e messo a lavorare con i nuovi impiegati che pensavano avesse appena iniziato come loro. Venire degradato dalla compagnia a cui aveva dato tutto se stesso fu un duro colpo per la sua autostima, ma continuò a lavorare fino a un mese prima di morire. Sulla natica aveva un’infiammazione grande quanto un piattino a causa delle 9 ore al giorno seduto su una sedia a lavoro. Lavorava per V., la compagnia più competitiva che io abbia mai conosciuto. Per loro gira tutto attorno al denaro. Il suo compito era cercare di vendere sempre di più a persone che già faticavano ad arrivare a fine mese. Alla V. non importava dei loro clienti e ancora meno di mio fratello. Era costretto a parcheggiare così lontano dal portone da doversi riposare a metà strada per riuscire ad arrivare a lavoro. Quando morì, i suoi supervisori vennero a farci visita e ci dissero “Non sapevamo che fosse malato”. Ma…avanti…era uno scheletro con un colorito terribile. Solo un cieco non si sarebbe reso conto della situazione. Non dissi niente per rispetto dei miei genitori e di mio fratello, perché lui non avrebbe mai fatto una scenata in pubblico, così sono rimasta in silenzio sino a oggi. Mi manca da morire. Sono grata a Dio per avergli permesso di vivere 11 anni, quando i dottori gli avevano dato 6 mesi. È riuscito a vedere i suoi nipoti diplomarsi e i pronipoti nascere.  Ha vissuto nella fede cristiana e siamo grati di averlo avuto con noi per 38 anni.

Sandy:I have a fantastic, tall, beautiful 22 -year -old son suffering from HIV. He discovered he was at 18, after committing a small crime for which he was sentenced to a prison period. I saw this human being, once full of life, reduced to being frightened, confused and depressed. Her 4 -year -old relationship with a girl with whom she has a 3 year old is over. I think she was afraid of being infected, so she took their son and went on with her life. I have never seen him so depressed and, as a mother, breaks my heart. It seems that everyone has abandoned him to himself.
I pray for him all day, every day and please for all those young people who face the same reality. I try to encourage him, to give him hope for the future, but after all I am his mother and he needs people of his age who identify with his difficult situation.
If there was someone who simply wanted to correspond to him, encourage him, perhaps give light to things he does not know, speaking freely about the problem and how a person should face him, I would always be grateful. I love this guy, he is my son. I just want to be at peace, happy and that you regain enthusiasm towards the future and its infinite possibilities, but at the moment she sees everything black. I know that the mind is a powerful organ and somehow I would like to start fighting again. Convince him that it is not alone would be of enormous help. Please help me help him. [...]. Thank you..

Candice:I am a 39 -year -old woman. My mother discovered that she is HIV positive 12 years ago and I take care of her. She was infected by her ex -boyfriend, now dead, and every day suffers from her mistakes. I also suffer with her and I hate to see her in this state. I try to face his mood overhangs and anger towards life, but it is difficult. He takes his medicines but his nervous system is collapsing. If before he was independent, he is now completely dependent on me and this is destroying both. He cannot walk, he needs a companion, he has lost a lot of weight and I see her slowly die before my eyes. I am the only daughter of a single mother who worked 37 years for the human resources of New York City. I want my mother to know that I love her and to be strong!

Ashley: Il 3 Dicembre 2008 è stato un giorno che ha cambiato per sempre la vita mia e di mia sorella. Il 3 Dicembre è il giorno in cui nostro padre ci ha lasciate per colpa dell’AIDS. Aveva solo quarantasette anni, e mi amava da matti. Nei nostri ricordi di bambine, c’è l’amore di mio padre per il lavoro, sia che fosse in giardino, sia che fosse il suo lavoro. Ha sempre cercato di fare la parte del duro, ma considerando che io e mia sorella eravamo più alte di lui, nessuno lo ha preso mai sul serio. Bastava avere una conversazione con lui per capire che era la persona più intelligente che si sarebbe mai potuta incontrare. Anche se cercava di non darlo a vedere, aveva un cuore enorme e io e mia sorella lo vedevamo tutti i giorni. Probabilmente pensereste che fosse un po’ strano: aveva la mania di collezione enormi bicchieri e di ripararli con il nastro adesivo quando si rompevano. Ma la parte migliore di tutto è che era nostro padre. Ogni giorno è una lotta, perché questa persona non è più con noi. Gli ho stretto la mano quando ha esalato il suo ultimo respiro e pregavo perché mi venisse concesso un altro po’ di tempo con lui. Perché proprio lui, continuavo a chiedermi. Poi se n’è andato. L’AIDS distrugge la vita di chi ne è affetto, ma anche di chi conosce qualcuno che lo è. Avrei voluto dire a mio padre che sarò sempre con lui. Papà, mi manchi. So che dall’altro proteggi me e Brittany. Tutto quello che facciamo, lo facciamo per te. Per sempre. Riposa in pace, papà (3 dicembre 2008).

Kourtni: My aunt has just confessed to me to be HIV positive. He was late to tell me because when I found out that his partner was sick, I got angry and I accused her of being too naive. Months have passed since then and now he confessed to me that he had discovered him six months ago. Her man has been a HIV positive for 11 years and said he wanted to infect her for fear of losing her. More than the HIV itself, makes me angry that he did not feel it and, on the contrary, he denied his situation when he was asked. Can anyone give me some advice?

A wounded mother: this week I discovered that my son is HIV positive. I have never accepted the idea that he was gay and cries my heart. I am 38 years old and he 23. I have been a mother since the age of 15, we grew up together. I'm trying to be strong for him. He knows I'm an emotional person and I don't want him to have this concern too. It would be too much for a 23 year old boy, but I'm not well. I also came to the point of questioning my faith in God. I can't accept it. I would like to be in his place. I love him so much and there is nothing he can do to save him. Stop crying is difficult, but I have other children and I have to be strong for them too.

My adorable brother:My 35 -year -old brother recently discovered that he had HIV. He shocked me. I already suspected that it was sick of the symptoms and the illness that forced him to enter and leave the hospitals. They were recently rich following a pneumonia. The Thursday before Christmas Eve of 2010 had the worst illness and was informed. I would never have thought of reacting that way: my brother and I have never been particularly in tune and it is from the age of 14 who enters and comes out of jail. In less than a year he lost almost 45 kg, he never took medicines and has never loved hospitals very much. I never asked him how, when, where or with whom. He is my brother and I love him. The damage is now done and must live with us. He also believed he was surrendering to the thought of those who could have infected, ruining his life. Pensio who is now accepting the situation because he would never have thought that my mother and I would have accepted what is happening. Do you think it may have been infected through the needles used in prison or for having sex with the wrong woman. Only God knows. We will continue to give him our support and to show him that he is not alone. Thanks to all those who shared their stories. I will show them to make him understand that it is not the end of the world and it is not alone. A older sister.

A proud husband:Hi I am 35 years old and I have been married for 4 years. I discovered that my wife is suffering from HIV when she was pregnant with our first child. At first I had the impression that the world was collapsing on us. I never thought of giving her any fault, but I was worried about her and the baby. Since then I have done several HIV tests and have always been negative. I am grateful that even our child, who is 3 years old today, is negative. I love my wife and I will never abandon her, despite her condition. We have an excellent sex life, despite being a rather introverted person who hides his feelings.
I do my best to support it. Now he has enrolled in the university and we go on with our life.
It is difficult to live with a HIV positive person because you never know what passes through his head. The best thing I can do is to cover it with love and tell her that everything will be fine.

A mother:I am the mother of a homosexual boy who was diagnosed with HIV. I prayed to God to make him heal. Although he is gay, he met a woman and married her. He doesn't care about who he is. He is so embittered with God for allowing him to happen to him and, together with him, I am also embittered. In addition to being gay and engaged in a heterosexual marriage that is falling apart, it is now also HIV positive. I don't understand God anymore. I suffer so much that he no longer wants to live. Every morning I wake up under a cloud of unhappiness. I think I end it. It seems the only way to stop all this pain. I thought God loved me, but how can all this allow? I started believing that there is no God. I do nothing but hear that God loves me, but what kind of love is this? So I think of how to end all this, since God does not do it. It will be so forever! I have been standing this situation for 20 years now. I just want to end up in one way or another, even if I had to end my life myself.

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* Avat is an international organization, based in the United Kingdom, who works to combat the spread of HIV and AIDS all over the world, through education, treatment and care.

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Original text: HIV and AIDS in the Family