How to come to terms with spiritual disappointment
Reflections published on the queertheology website (USA), freely translated by Silvia Lanzi
It's happened more times than I can count. One day, when I desperately need to feel connected to the divine, to hear a word from God, to feel connected to the mystery, I drag myself out of bed, put on something that resembles a passable dress. With hope and fear I go to a church, I line up on a bench. My need makes me nervous, but also brave. Desperate courage, but courage all the same.
I sit and wait. And inevitably I get discouraged. A preacher delivers a dull, lifeless (or even, worse, offensive) sermon. The people in the congregation are too distant. It seems like everyone listens mechanically. I go out into the street feeling worse than I went in. Wondering, once again, why I so often feel distant from God.
Over the years I have heard many people wonder how to come to terms with spiritual disappointment. The question comes from those who have been kicked out of their churches, from those who have not been able to find a church near them that would welcome them, from those who, despite having remained in their church, feel that their needs are often not taken into consideration. consideration.
They despair of hearing the Gospel, the good news, which should meet them where they are and give them some hope to move forward and too often they leave the religious service feeling empty and alone. The desire to feel united with the sacred is not a selfish desire. Instead, I would say that it is a primary need: the desire to be connected to the mystery of life, to the universe and to all of humanity. Many of us look for these things in churches or other types of religious communities. But what happens when we constantly feel spiritually disappointed? What happens when the mass leaves us cold, or worse, when it leaves us hurt? What can we do?
Over the years I have jumped from one tradition to another. I took my faith apart and rebuilt it again. I went through moments of desert and others of spiritual exaltation. I know disappointment well. I don't have a foolproof solution, but my main thought is this: You must learn to feed yourself.
You have learned to satisfy your spiritual needs outside of well-defined communities. You must find a way to learn what you need to know, to connect to the sacred, to have rituals that nourish you, beyond the Church.
It sucks and it's not right. It is not fair that we, marginalized people, also have to make a tremendous effort to keep our faith intact. I wish I had another answer for you, but I don't. The truth is, in a world where you are marginalized, you have to fend for yourself. No one is going to do it for you, and the only way to keep your faith from completely collapsing or stagnating to where it is now is to get a move on.
How to do it? Look for books that nourish your faith and make it grow. Carve out prayer spaces in your daily routine. Find someone to meet up with (either online or in person). Listen to music that speaks to your soul and uplifts it. Try different communities and don't stop until you find one that's right for you. Volunteer, do nice things for your neighbors, or donate money. You need to work on your faith and look for ways to grow it.
In an ideal world we should be able to walk into any church, on any weekend to be spiritually fed. We should be able to hear the word of God and feel united with the divine. But until that's the case, we have to get busy. It is the only way to avoid being consumed by spiritual disappointment.
It's hard, but it's worth it.
Original text: How to deal with spiritual disappointment
