I lost the only person I really loved! What did I make a mistake in?
Meanwhile, I asked him questions because I saw that his way of behaving had changed, he lived with a brother for a period and I always asked how he was, he always answered me and beyond ...! The other day I called his mother and talking about the most and less said that the other son, who lived with my ex, had started for a month.
Then I asked my ex because he had lied to me, even when I realized that something had changed. Suddenly he kicked me out of him with SMS, without explanations, throwing away everything I had given to him with effort, since I don't work and therefore to find the money for him I was deprived of for years also to take a pole.
But I pass us on why I loved him and I love him and if even now he asked me for a kidney I would give it immediately without thinking about it. Now I wonder what I was wrong? I felt injured for his lie and asked only a clarification! Is it really over?
I am not well I am completely alone and I can't get closer to anyone because I look at them and I say it is not him and then I go away. To be honest I wish not to live anymore for me it makes sense nothing. If I live now I do it only for my mother but if she too should go away I don't want to live anymore it's not worth it. I would just like to understand that I didn't call the mother to find out about him or anything else. Thanks for listening to me I don't know if what I said has a sense.
Matteo
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The answer…
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Dear Matteo, what you said has a sense: it is the sense of pain and disorientation that you live for the end of a story that has reserved for you the discovery of the insincerity of those you loved. I am convinced that pain should be respected delicately, understanding. I am also convinced that one should not remain blind in front of the lies, anyone's manipulations. I hope that soon it will follow the romantic and blind languor, a beautiful and healthy anger that breaks the addiction, because recovered independence is discovered with amazement how many beautiful reasons are there to live, and how great the number one is great: you, yours Future that can still be happy ... and I hope more autonomous.
Prostrating, canceling yourself in front of those who love you is a serious mistake, it is a sick and not very useful dynamic "in Amor wins those who flee", it makes us heavy, not interesting.
Like Matteo many are found in affective situations of crisis and feel their compromised "mental health", especially because often the partner is the only person with whom a relationship of total confidence has been established, friendship that induces the formation of bonds of dependence directly proportional to the need for love, understanding, acceptance ... that we have to feel good.
The social support, of which we all need to feel good, for homosexual people is often denied (or rather it is the result of a commitment, a research, a process of acceptance and liberation), so it may happen that you invest everything: you do A super -preparation, in the relationship "we have by hands" with an extreme momentum, and an intense and acute passion that "must" respond to all our needs. So we "drown" the partner in our needs ... if he wants to save himself he must run away from us. And we feel the mournful and romantic prototype of the abandoned lover, of the violated love (Attention sometimes there are real criminals of smart and manipulators who take advantage of us and our goods, we always consider things with awareness), but if we are These poetic singers of our pain ...
Would you do well to ask us a question: was our "history" only with our needs? Or we met a person in flesh and blood with his needs, with an emotional language other than mine with whom to enter into relationships: I learn his language, he learns mine, and then we will build a third: what we will "talk" in our love story.
Sometimes we cry on ourselves without having really met another person, but only our needs, ghosts, or we will have used someone as therapy for our fears.
Maurizio Mistali
