Seen by her. When a friend wants something more as well as friendship
Reflections of Dr.. Irene S. Levine taken from The Huffington Post of 28 October 2009, freely translated by Sara M.
It is not unusual that Platonic relationships turn into something different or something more. Whenever this happens, whatever the genre, it can lead to misunderstandings if the two people are not on the same wavelength.
When a similar situation involves two women's friends, the potential embarrassment grows exponentially, because the experience is less common and talks less about it.
I am happy that my colleague Tina B. Tessina, PHD, who regularly writes on the Redbook Magazine and that, with the title of "Doctor Romaticism", is followed by a faithful audience, has agreed to share some practical tips for women who are involved in a situation of this type.
Tina is a psychotherapist, author of Gay Relationships: How to Find Them, How To Improve Them, How To Make Them Last (homosexual relationships: how to find them, how to improve them, make them last), and other twelve books on relationships.
What should a woman do if it begins to feel a sexual attraction for a friend who is not a lesbian and that is involved in a heterosexual relationship? Must express his feelings or suffocate them?
I never recommend that you come forward with someone who already has a relationship. Even if he returns your feelings, leave before she pulls out of her this report (straight or homosexual). It is not a good idea, in any circumstance, to start a relationship with someone already "busy" - if that person left his partner/his partner to be with you, what do you think he would do if the relationship had it with you? You would never feel in place with this thought. Rather, find a group of "coming out", a therapist or another homosexual person to talk to. You need to clarify your feelings before any relationship can work.
If two women have had sexual involvement, is it possible to bring the relationship back to a friendless friendship? And in what circumstances?
It is possible to transform a sexual relationship into friendship with people of the same sex exactly as you can do it with people of the opposite sex. It is complicated, it can only succeed if both sides want it (which is not the usual circumstance) and it takes a lot of dialogue and a lot of patience on the part of both people. Some couples need to break completely and wait for a while, months or years before they can become friends.
What to do if a friend begins to say and do things that put a woman uncomfortable (for example touching her in a provocative way or showing herself extremely jealous of her relationships with men)? How should this situation manage a heterosexual woman?
Telling your friend who puts you uncomfortable. If you don't respect your feelings, give them a "stop between adults". Which means, keeping at a respectful distance (be courteous or this will have no effect), do not share any emotional proximity or friendship with her. When you ask you why, you repeat that her advances are not welcome. If this does not work, break the friendship. You can't stay close to someone who doesn't respect your feelings.
What other problems can arise between two friends, a lesbian and a no?
If one is homophobic, and does not accept the sexual orientation of the other, this will certainly become a problem between them. Otherwise, the only problems that will be born are the normal problems between two friends. That is, you can offend your feelings, be surprising to lie, or be jealous of the other's happiness.
Whenever one of you treats the other badly, he sends up an appointment for another "more important" or asks for money on loan in an irresponsible way, problems may arise. If your friend lives a relationship in which she is mistreated, you will be worried about her. Many things can go wrong in any friendship. If nothing else, you will not beat to conquer the same man!
Original text: When a friend Wants More Than Friendship
