How I reconciled my Catholic faith with my love for another woman

Testimony of Janine Scott-Dos Santos*, published on the Outreach website (United States) on March 27, 2025. Freely translated by the volunteers of the Gionata project

Growing up in a Catholic family in South Africa, my faith has always been the solid ground under my feet. I was educated to believe in the loving embrace of God, guided by the teachings of the Church.

As a girl, I immersed myself in the community, teaching the boys who prepared themselves for confirmation and guiding youth groups, until I represent my parish at the World Youth Day in Germany in 2005. Through this life of active faith, I found a sense of purpose and belonging.

Yet, under the surface of my devotion, a struggle was hidden that I could not easily name: I fell in love with a woman. The awareness of this love has shaken the foundations of my faith, forcing me to face questions unthinkable about my identity and on my place in the Church. Divided between the love I felt and the teachings of the faith I kept to, I had to deal with intense feelings of shame and isolation.

In the darkest moments, I launched on the verge of despair. I even considered the convent as an escape route, hoping that it would remove me from what I perceived like a shame. I also tried to take my life. It was a cry of help born from the fear of not being able to return to the narrative of what was "destined to be". In the end, after many prayers and meditations, I accepted what I felt like real and I allowed myself to have a relationship with a woman.

My family had difficulty accepting my relationship, generating many conflicts. At some point, one of my brothers even told me that I was responsible for my father's health problems. After the loss of my uncle - who, after years of suffering in silence, had sold to solitude by taking away his life - that my family began to understand the importance of love and acceptance of the different forms of love.

My uncle's tragic decision pushed the rest of my family to reflect on his beliefs and on the way they perceived love, finally leading them to welcome my relationship with my partner.

For many years, I felt accepted in my parish of origin, a place where I could express my true self without fear of condemnation. However, the changes in life led me to move to another suburb and enter a new parish community.

Initially, my partner and I, who in the meantime had become my wife, we felt welcomed and embraced by the parishioners, until an unexpected moment broken that illusion.

Volunteer to guide a Catholic seminar Life in the Spirit (life in the spirit), I found myself in front of a letter from the parish priest who declared that those who did not live in a "state of grace" would have to refrain from leadership roles.

The letter seemed addressed directly to me, with examples of "serious sin" that left few doubts about the recipient. I was devastated. The same community in which I could offer guidance and support to young LGBTQ+ proved hostile and repelling.

Wound and frustrated by this experience, I left that parish in search of a community that could affirm my identity and act as a refuge. I found another place of worship, less charismatic but more authentic. However, that anger towards my church remained, while I was observing people clinging with fear of beliefs now overcome.

A few years have passed and fate brought me back to that same parish. During a mass, the opportunity to confess was presented. Looking for comfort, I entered the confessional to get rid of the anger I had accumulated. I told my experiences to the priest. His answer surprised me: "Those ladies think they are more Catholic than the Pope!"

Despite his frankness, his words have resounded deeply in me. He reminded me that the teachings of Jesus are based on love, underlining that the central point of faith is to love God and the neighbor, rather than trace lines to exclude someone.

His point of view was refreshing, a reminder of the fact that the essence of our faith lies in love and not in the condemnation. "Who are we to hinder someone who loves God and try to get closer to him?" He asked me, with a sincerity that pierced my resentment. That moment turned on a spark of hope in my heart, which had often felt abandoned.

My path testifies to the resilience and transformative power of love. I continue to walk my path within the Church, between challenges but also new possibilities.

I chose to embrace my identity as a homosexual woman and my faith, recognizing that they both define me. Refusal to allow the pain inflicted by others to decrease the love and faith that I carry inside.

Through my experiences, I feel motivated to create spaces for welcome and understanding, where young LGBTQs can see that their love and faith are not in contradiction. I want to embody the love that Jesus has preached, a love that welcomes, nourishes and raises, embracing the complexity of human experiences.

In the end, my path is a testimony of resilience and the immense power of love. Now I understand that I am not alone; In my struggles, countless other people share the weight of silent suffering and the desire for acceptance. Together, we can cultivate a faith rooted in love, which embraces all the children of God, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Through this embrace, I firmly believe that we can find the heart of the Church, a kingdom where everyone is welcomed to grow in their relationship with God and between them.

* Janine Scott-Dos Santos lives in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Original text: How I LeaRned To Autlic My Catholic Faith With My Love For Another Woman