My daughter is a lesbian. A mother tells her story

Testimony from Catherine* of Association Contact (France), freely translated by Erika P.

Catherine, 50 years old, is the mother of two boys, Caroline, 20 years old and Eric, 16 years old. For three years, he has known that his daughter is different and that she will never marry a man...
“I had a feeling for a long time that my daughter was homosexual, without confessing it to myself. As a child, when Caroline went to holiday camp, she always went crazy for the supervisors, at the age when little girls become quite infatuated with their supervisor.

I asked myself questions, without finding answers. And then my daughter started throwing more and more digs at me, for example telling me about the films she wanted to see that dealt with homosexuality. She also often said she wasn't ready to have children.

I collected all these clues, without really drawing any conclusions. But three years ago, I allowed myself to read some notes left on his desk. Caroline wrote that she was attracted to other girls, she talked about same-sex love. It was obvious. My doubts were confirmed: my daughter, who was 17 at the time, was homosexual.
But to fully convince me, I needed Caroline to tell me. I had prepared a small list of topics I wanted to discuss with her about her school, her orientation.

Among others I also wrote this question: and your preferences? He answered me very simply: I prefer girls. During this first discussion, we did not go further. At the time, my daughter lived her homosexuality well. She was 17 years old, everything opened up to her, she felt great in her own skin.
He didn't feel the need to talk about it and I found myself very alone in the face of this revelation. Even though I was sure of what he would answer, it was still a shock. I suddenly felt locked in a prison of silence, a cell with very narrow walls.

I obviously wondered what I had done wrong in his upbringing, the mistakes I might have made. But that guilt passed pretty quickly. Thinking back and realizing that Caroline had always been attracted to girls, I ended up telling myself that I had nothing to do with it. I wasn't even ashamed, I wasn't afraid of "what will they say".
I was simply worried about my daughter, I feared the misunderstanding of others. She would have been part of a minority, I feared that she would be discriminated against, attacked, that she would grow old alone, isolated among others, that she would not be able to have children even though she adored them. Furthermore, I knew nothing about homosexuality, about the way homosexuals live, what they feel.

Yes, I had some homosexual friends but we had never discussed the topic together. I was faced with the unknown and that was what worried me most.
I then tried to find out at all costs. I went online to participate in forums. I was able to ask all the questions I had in my head to homosexuals and parents of homosexuals. In the beginning, I only had one goal: to understand why.
All the answers they gave me pointed in the same direction. There are no explanations for homosexuality, there is nothing to do other than confirm the homosexuality of your child. It's not his choice, but a fact.

Understanding this, I have advanced a lot. Since I needed to confide out loud, to share what was happening to me with other people who were experiencing the same thing, I turned to an association of parents of homosexuals.

I participated in meetings and meetings. That's what saved me from imprisonment! When Caroline decided to talk about it to her father, my ex-maritus, it went very badly. He refused to see her for six months, screaming that he was no longer his daughter.
For him, homosexuality was a choice against nature. I gave him books and articles to read, I tried to explain to him. In the end, he agreed to see Caroline again, but he never addressed the topic. I, I did not choose the politics of silence with my daughter. What interests me above all, is to maintain contact and communication.

He tells me about his adventures and his shots, exactly like my 16 year old son he tells me about the girls he falls in love with. I see no difference between the loves of my two children. Caroline knows that she can introduce me to her friends, that I welcome them without problems.
At the beginning, it is quite destabilizing to see your daughter with another woman, then you get used to it. In any case, Caroline can never change, so I have everything to try to try to understand it ... and everything to lose by rejecting it.
Now that he is 20 years old, I think Caroline has more than ever needing me, of my support. He is about to overcome a new rock. He discovers the fear of aggression and sometimes accusatory gaze of others, the difficulty of being different.

At 17, she often went to gay clubs because she definitely needed to belong to a group, to meet people like her. Now, she rather seeks anonymity and above all does not want to be classified as homosexual. Fears homophobic speeches, insults: you have to know that this unfortunately often happens.
For my part, I am very discreet about my private life. At work, for example, no one knows about my daughter's homosexuality. I don't want to be forced to talk about it or for this topic to become a source of gossip within the small business where I work.
Even in my family, I have never addressed the issue either with my mother or my brothers.

I don't think they are ready to receive this news, to understand it, to accept it. Everyone certainly doubts it, but no one talks about it… While I feel capable of carrying out a crusade on the other side of the world so that homosexuals can live better and minds can be opened, I can't do it in my own family!

Caroline's brother, on the other hand, knew about it long before me, because his sister had confided it to him. My two children are very complicit and very close. Eric took it very well, as something perfectly natural. The young generation is much more tolerant and less slave to taboos than us.
This makes me hopeful for my daughter's future...".

Original text: But the girl is homosexuelle