Rights denied. Two mothers for Andrea except for the law
Dialogue byKatya Parentewith Elena Toffolo
Francesca Mostosi is Andrea's mother. Or rather the father. But how is this possible, you ask?
The story, which is absurd, began with the birth of the little girl - whose biological mother is Elena Toffolo.
But let's go back to understand how this could happen, and let's give the floor to Elena.
How did you and Francesca meet?
Francesca and I met online, through The L Word forum, 20 years ago. We started chatting on Messenger (we had taken our respective emails from the forum), then we started writing each other emails, messages, phone calls, and, finally, getting to know each other. She is from Bergamo, I am from Treviso.
We lived at a distance for the first 10 years, and then settled in the province of Treviso, also thanks to the economic crisis and Francesca's loss of her job.
We have been civilly united since 2018, we have waited for the implementing decrees, we live together permanently in the countryside.
When was your daughter born?
Andrea was born in 2023, after undergoing an insemination procedure in Copenhagen, Denmark. It went well the first time.
It was a decision that we pondered for more than a year, to be sure of facing a path that could be difficult, as well as financially burdensome, and to be sure that our desire for parenthood was truly strong and rooted.
Little Andrea, by birth, has a mother and a father. Can you explain why?
Andrea, by birth, only has one mother, only I was able to recognize her. The donor has no parental rights over the child.
We asked, at the suggestion of the lawyer who followed us in the adoption process in particular cases, to ask the Municipality where we registered our daughter for recognition at the birth of both mothers. The Municipality was unable to do so, due to a legislative vacuum.
Your goal is to make Francesca appear as a mother too. Why, given that even with the current wording your wife still has parental responsibility?
Francesca has no rights or duties over Andrea until the adoption ruling comes into effect and is transcribed in the Municipality register, at the birth certificate of our daughter.
We have followed the adoption process in particular cases, a law created not for homo-parental families, but the only one that, at the moment, can give full recognition, with a process that has variable timing, from a few months to a few years.
If you win the case, it would set a precedent. How do you feel about this role as a trailblazer?
Adoptions in particular cases have already existed since 2017. The so-called Cirinnà law, in one of its first formulations, also introduced legislation for filiation in homo-parental families. Part that was torn up to allow everything else to pass through.
The problem that now arises concerns our daughter's electronic identity card: with the Salvini decree of 2019, Francesca would appear as "father" or not, because the management system uses "father" and "mother" as the terms and no longer "parent".
We are awaiting the Court of Cassation regarding a case from a family from Rome who has requested the rectification of their son's document in court.
If the Court of Cassation agrees with the family, the management system will probably have to be adapted throughout Italy, and not just for the specific case, as it currently is.
Once again, life goes faster than the legislative process. But a little less rigidity and a little more common sense (and open-mindedness) would be enough to fill gaps like this.
We wish little Andrea to soon have two mothers even in the face of the law, as is already the case and in the hearts of Elena and Francesca.
