When my son made up with me
Testimony n.15 of Melani Centech, a Slovenian mother with a gay son, taken from Tell it out(Say aloud), book of testimonies of parents with LGBT+ children from all over Europe created by ENP - European Network of Parents of LGBTI+ Persons (European Network of Parents of LGBTI+ Persons) with the editorial support of the Jonathan's tentand the contribution of theCouncil of Europe, published in 2020, p.39-40, freely translated by Diana, revision of Giovanna and Giacomo Tessaro
I am 62 years old, and my son is gay. He made his coming out fourteen years ago. He was 18 years old, and he was in his first year of university studies. At the time I worked hard and a lot. Family relationships were stable, and I thought that my children (one older than seven years than the youngest, who is gay) were adults.
I was happy, and I didn't expect upheaval in my life. One evening, unexpectedly, my son came to visit me in the office. At first he spoke of not feeling well, that he was depressed and stressed. I relaxed thinking that feeling badly was nothing special. Then he admitted: “But I have a problem. I feel attracted to people of my own sex ". And he began to cry bitterly.
For me it was a great shock. I had never thought of homosexuality as something real in my life. Then I am in front of my beloved son, crying, because I would never have believed it possible. I had to decide in seconds what to do, and it seemed to me that the right thing was to keep calm. I thought he was alive, he was sad for the situation, but he had told me the truth and he was ready to share his life with me.
And this was a great relief. In a few seconds I fully turned my thoughts, my values, my priorities, and today I am very happy to have reacted that way. I would like to underline it more. Even if your child screams this news, stay calm, listen to serenity, and every now and then do a nod of consent and approval, try to relate to emotional level.
A question that worries parents when the child comes out is if someone else said before they. It is very likely that you don't be the first person with whom he confided. Often a LGBT son tries to evaluate your reactions by saying it to others. He would like to avoid disturbing, upset or shock you, so he turns to others for advice on how to tell you.
Asking this question is a good thing, because it gives you an idea of how open it is, especially if it does not want to tell anyone else. The understanding and support of parents in these cases is irreplaceable.
These fourteen years have not always been positive and simple, but we have faced them together as a family. My husband, the other son, all the uncles and aunts, the whole community is very involved in this process. The coming out is not always easy, but it is the only right way. It offers everyone the opportunity to remain human and react naturally.
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