How do I tell my parents who are gay or lesbian?

Reflections by Daniel Shoer Roth published on the Gaylatino.about portal, freely translated by Maria Stella Iaria
 
Coming out with your parents is a very personal decision that can strengthen and make relationships deeper and improve your self -esteem.
However, in some cases it can mean a family separation. The most important thing is to win fear.

Almost always for gay people the most difficult moment on the journey towards freedom is to come out with their parents for fear of being refused and, above all, in order not to want to hurt them, although often suspect already of the sexual orientation of their child or have become aware of it in other ways.

For this it is used to postpone the decision, even if we have already made out with other family or friends. However, confiding with parents is perhaps the most important event in the acceptance process that we gay men go through.
Anche se i tuoi genitori lo sanno ma non glielo hai mai confermato e loro non te lo chiedono, è necessario che tu glielo dica, non per loro ma per il tuo benessere, poiché è un’affermazione della tua identità che purifica la tua anima e esalta la tua umanità. Infine, potrai essere onesto con loro e con il mondo.

Fatta eccezione per alcuni giovani precoci e coraggiosi, per arrivare a fare coming out con i propri genitori dobbiamo attraversare prima un processo di crescita emozionale e di auto-accettazione che può durare anni e richiedere l’aiuto di uno psicologo. Se hai ancora dubbi sul fatto di essere pronto o no a fare coming out, questo esercizio di affermazione può esserti utile per chiarire tale incertezza.
Come dico ai miei genitori che sono gay? Se sei convinto che sia arrivato il momento di uscire allo scoperto con i tuoi genitori, i consigli che seguono serviranno ad orientarti:

• Pianifica bene ciò che vorresti dire. Rifletti sulla conversazione che stanno per vere prima di riunirti con loro. Più ti prepari, meno nervoso sarai all’appuntamento. Se preferisci, scrivi una lista di idee che condividerai con loro, non per memorizzarle ma per avere uno schema che ti aiuti ad essere più sincero.
• Dai appuntamento ai tuoi genitori in un luogo in cui non ci sono né rumori né distrazioni. Do not go to a restaurant or bar, better a public park or a little -frequented city square where you can speak calm without distracting yourself. If you already know that your parents will react without making dramas, then you can give them an appointment at their home or your house.

• Meet with them individually. It is better to reveal your sexual orientation separately, especially if they are divorced or if you don't have much confidence with them. You can also choose to tell him together if you have an intimate relationship with both and they are a very close -knit couple.

• Explain to him that being gay is not a personal choice. It is essential that they understand that you have not chosen to be homosexual and you cannot stop being, since sexual orientation is an innate condition. It is not even their responsibility as they are not learned behavior.

• Talk to him about your feelings. Be completely honest and show your vulnerability by sharing the pain you have heard and the fear based on how they respond. He speaks firsthand and explain to him that your goal is not to hurt anyone but live happy, in harmony with yourself and with your loved ones.

• Clarify any doubt have. There are many myths and stereotypes about the homosexuality that perhaps you have to clarify in the event that they believe in these false ideas. Some parents think that their gay children will end up dying of AIDS and will have no one who loves them. Make sure they know it's not so and if you have a fixed partner maybe it's time to talk about it.

• Behaved with normal. Once the conversation is finished, he returns to being the son of all time. Being openly gay does not change your person, simply you are not forced to hide your identity now.

• Give time to digest the news and cross their acceptance process. Don't expect your parents to celebrate the news that you are gay. Remember that if you yourself took several years to accept your sexual orientation and stay in peace with your identity, they too will take some time to internalize the new reality.
Your parents had expectations that will not be realized, even for this it is not easy for them. Go ahead with your projects, focus on positive and convincing thoughts that you have to take this step to respect yourself and get closer to your family.
Remember also that your parents' reaction could be negative but this cannot be checked or is your responsibility. They are entitled to know.

Original text: Deci to Mis Padas Que Soy Gay. Ayuda Para Hablarles Sobre Tu Homosexualidad y climbing the clóset