L’invisibilità è più un peso che un superpotere, per una persona bisessuale 

Sree Jaya article published on Medium's Social Jogi on December 25, 2020, freely translated by the Gionata Project volunteers

Imagine you have a superpower. If you could choose, which one would you like? Force? Speed? Ability to fly? Time travel? Let's say your superpower is invisibility. Maybe you chose it or it was assigned to you. In any case, it could prove useful.

Bullies and bad guys can't see you. You can go wherever you want, do almost anything you like, and if you take the right precautions, no one will even know you were there. If they see you, they won't understand who you really are, they will only see your public identity, keeping your real one secret. Sounds great, right?

What if I told you that a certain form of invisibility really exists, and it's less rare than you think? In fact, I have it and still use it sometimes. There are many people who have my kind of invisibility. Maybe even some of you reading this.

Some of us even have magic rings that amplify this invisibility even further. If we took them away, people would only see the version of us they want to see, the one that fits their expectations and perspectives.

The weight of invisibility

My power of invisibility comes from being bisexual and is strengthened by having a partner of the opposite sex. The common presumption is that anyone who has a partner of the opposite sex is heterosexual. Some would say this is an advantage, even a privilege. Being perceived as straight allows us to avoid many negative experiences that same-sex couples or openly homosexual people face. For example, we can talk about a date without receiving critical reactions, share photos on social media without worrying about the reactions of family or acquaintances, celebrate anniversaries without judgement.

However, there is a price to pay. Power always carries a cost, and invisibility carries a burden. Keeping it a secret can feel like living a lie. This invisibility is unstable, and turning it off can become difficult, especially because it relies on the assumptions of others. When these assumptions are combined with fear, the result is so powerful that the person can become invisible even to themselves.

Being erased after rejecting invisibility

Not all bisexuals accept this invisibility. Some choose to be openly visible and talk about their identity. But it's not that simple. There is another threat called erasure, which perpetuates stereotypes such as: “Bisexuals are confused, undecided, or going through a phase.” Erasure paints us as greedy, unreliable, and incapable of monogamous relationships.

Erasure forces us to continually come out into the open, to explain and defend our identity. This process is tiring and frustrating. But fighting it is fundamental because, otherwise, we end up living in another form of "closet", hiding fundamental parts of ourselves.

The consequences of cancellation

Being bisexual is not the problem. The problem is how others misunderstand and react. Erasure has devastating effects: bisexual youth and adults show higher rates of substance abuse, anxiety, depression and even suicide.

More than a third do not even declare their orientation to doctors, contributing to physical and mental health disparities. Bisexual women experience intimate violence at a rate 30% higher than their lesbian or heterosexual counterparts.

Break the silence

I kept silent for five years, telling the version of myself that I thought was less complicated. But, in the end, I decided to be open and honest. It was a difficult but liberating choice. I understood that living openly is not just an act of personal courage: it is a way to be seen and to allow others to recognize themselves in us.

Invisibility can be comfortable, but when it becomes toxic, when it is no longer a matter of privacy but of secrecy, it is time to let it go. Getting rid of it is not easy, but it is necessary to live an authentic life. Showing yourself for who you are can be the first step towards more authentic relationships and towards a life lived without unnecessary burdens.

Original text: Invisibility it is more a burden than a superpower