Abuse makes no difference between straight people and LGBT+

Article by Mandie Schreck*, published online on the ARO – Abuse Refuge.org association website on 9 January 2025, freely translated by Luigi and Valeria de La Tenda di Gionata.

Abuse affects members of the LBGTQIA+ community just as much as heterosexual people. However, some of the tactics used by abusers may be different for an LGBTQIA+ victim.

While LGBTQIA+ people's ability to respond to abuse is improving, the LGBTQIA+ community has been negatively impacted by ineffective law enforcement responses to incidents in which they were abused.

Victims think they won't get help and 45% of victims don't even report the abuse to the police. Additionally, members of the LGBTQIA+ community may be denied care due to homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia (The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2018).

What is meant by LGBTQIA+ abuse?

Abuse in LGBTQIA+ relationships occurs just as frequently as it does in heterosexual relationships.

Domestic violence within the community is not less dangerous or less serious just because the partners are of the same sex. There are multiple forms of abuse affecting the LGBTQIA+ community, and the statistics give us the opportunity to understand how we can raise awareness and help those in need.

Outing is a common form of abuse within this community, because in this case the victim's orientation is made public without their consent, just as other hate crimes and psychological abuse are also common (The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2018).

Who can be a victim of LGBTQIA+ abuse?

As with all types of abuse, anyone can be a victim of abuse, regardless of their ethnicity, age, biological sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, education level, or income.

The most serious thing is that it can be extremely difficult for an LGBTQIA+ person to receive adequate support from social services. Reporting abuse may mean revealing your sexual orientation or gender identity, which may be difficult or dangerous for these people (Safe Voices, 2022).

In 2018, more than 43 percent of lesbian women and 61 percent of bisexual women experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by someone they were in a relationship with. Approximately 35% of heterosexual women are assaulted in the same circumstances. Bisexual and transgender victims are more likely to experience sexual assault and intimate partner violence in public.

Over 26% of gay men and 37.3% of bisexual men have experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner compared to 29% of heterosexual men (The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2018).

What are the specific characteristics of abuse in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Abuse in the LGBTQIA+ community is a phenomenon with peculiar characteristics. Abusers use tactics specific to LGBTQIA+ relationships, including:
• Control or question the LGBTQIA+ person's gender identity or expression by refusing to use their preferred pronouns or given name.
• Oppose the use of gender affirming devices such as binders.
• Question the sexual orientation of the LGBTQIA+ person.
• Calling your partner homophobic, biphobic or transphobic names.
• Pressuring your partner to come out to family, friends, employers or doctors, or threatening to come out.
• Prevent the use of essential hormones for the continuation of the path of gender affirmation, such as testosterone or estrogen.
• Forcing the LGBTQIA+ person to speak with a priest or a religious contact person to start "care" practices of his sexuality (Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2022).

What are the barriers in the research of support from social services?

Several obstacles can influence people's access to the necessary assistance after having undergone abuse in a LGBTQIA+relationship. The obstacles that people can meet include the social stigma that abuses do not take place in LGBTQIA+relationships.

In addition, there is the potential homophobia that they can meet when they seek assistance or homophobia by victims of non -lgbtqia+abuse. Social services and doctors officials can sometimes have personal limits or being without training and experience with LGBTQIA+abuses, which can make it very difficult for this community to obtain the help you are looking for.

Another important obstacle is access to care and safety, which leads to the difficulty or the perceived impossibility of being able to share problems and suffering in a population in which the path too slow towards real equality is already an important and constant problem.

A further element that aggravates this type of abuse is that transgender victims may not be allowed access to shelters for those suffering domestic violence, due to their gender.

How can you help LGBTQIA+ victims?

Helping someone who tells you about the abuse they are experiencing can be tricky. Your reaction may influence the victim's decision to tell someone else or seek help.

Remember to always listen to her with a non-judgmental attitude, take note of what she has been through, tell her that you are there to help her in this difficult moment and that it is important for you that she is well (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, 2022).

Here's how you can support a victim of LGBTQIA+ abuse:

• Listen carefully: LGBTQIA+ victims who suffer abuse may feel that no one understands them and therefore may convince themselves that their situation is not worthy of attention. Show the victim that he is important by giving him your undivided attention. It is difficult for LGBTQIA+ victims to talk about their abuse situation, especially if they have not yet come out.

• Give legitimacy to the victim's feelings: Avoid using overly optimistic statements that can make her feel misunderstood. Statements such as “It will get better” or “You shouldn't feel this way.” Instead, use reassuring expressions to make her feel heard, such as "I believe you" or "I'm sorry you had to go through this."

• Show your concern: of them directly that you keep to them and their well -being with affirmations like "I care about you" and "Is there anything I can do for you?".

• Use inclusive language: do not take for granted the gender identity or the victim's sexual orientation if you are not sure. It is better to use neutral language such as Significant Other or "partner" instead of boyfriend or girlfriend. Try not to take anything for granted and let them clarify or ask what their favorite pronouns are.

• Do not ask for details on the abuse: regardless of the curiosity you have or the desire to understand the situation, do not ask for the details. If they choose to share the details of the abuse, do your best to listen with a supporting and non -judgmental attitude (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, 2022).

Finally, it is important to help the victim to seek help also at institutions and associations that aim to put an end to all forms of violence through events, training, information and consultancy services.

For more details on the ARO Association and on the online service for abuse assistance in the USA, consult the original article at the link

Original text: Abuse is not discriminatory