The LGBTQ+ community and spiritual abuse: an invisible trauma

Article by Amanda Hildreth* published on the Abuse Refuge.org website (United States) on August 26, 2023, freely translated by the Gionata Project volunteers

The attitudes of Christian churches towards LGBTQ+ people can vary enormously, both within their communities and externally. When an LGBTQ+ person belonging to a religious community comes out, reactions can range from full acceptance to the most severe ostracism.

Many LGBTQ+ people find a sense of well-being and support in inclusive religious environments. However, many others face negative experiences related to religion that continue to affect them long after they have left unwelcoming religious environments.

What spiritual abuse is and how it affects LGBTQ+ people

Research shows that LGBTQ+ people who attend Christian churches can often be victims of spiritual abuse (Spiritual Abuse) and suffer from trauma related to negative religious experiences (Barnes & Meyer, 2013; Cole & Harris, 2017; Gandy-Guedes et al., 2017; Gibbs & Goldbach, 2020). Religious trauma is a form of psychological harm that arises from messages, beliefs, or experiences related to religion (Stone, 2013).

LGBTQ+ people can experience multiple forms of spiritual trauma, often linked to behaviors or impositions by religious leaders and communities. Some examples include:

Being exposed without your consent: Parents or peers may reveal their identity to religious leaders with the intent of “saving” them or in the hope that they will change their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Being blamed for negative events: they are attributed responsibility for illnesses, accidents or other misfortunes, as a consequence of their being LGBTQ+.

Undergoing conversion therapies: interventions by pastors or doctors aimed at changing sexual or gender identity, often with profoundly harmful results.

Being forced into religious rituals: participate in practices aimed at “purifying” their sexual identity or orientation.

Demonization: Being defined as possessed by demons or identified with evil due to their sexuality.

Exclusion from roles of responsibility: Being told they can't hold office in the church because of their gender identity.

Refusal in the sacraments: not being accepted into fundamental rites such as marriage or not having your relationship recognized.

While the most obvious abuses attract the most attention, it is essential to recognize that many LGBTQ+ people experience religious trauma in silence for years, often without fully understanding its impact (Miriam Geiger, 2023).

How to recognize the signs of spiritual abuse

Spiritual abuse manifests itself in different ways, through attitudes and behaviors that undermine a person's mental and emotional well-being. Second Change, Inc. St. Louis Counseling (2015), the most common signs include:

Questions seen as rebellion: Asking questions or expressing doubts about religious practices is perceived as an attack on spiritual authority, discouraging critical thinking

Rigid and nuanceless thinking: A way of thinking based on inflexible rules is promoted: either you are inside and accept everything, or you are outside and are considered a sinner

Open or hidden discrimination: Unequal behavior towards women, people of color and LGBTQ+ people is observed, often justified by distorted interpretations of scripture

Social isolation: People outside the community are treated as threats, leading those within the community to fear and isolate themselves from the rest of the world

Contradictions between words and actions: Religious leaders or communities can act in a way that is opposite to the values ​​they profess, creating confusion and a loss of trust

To disagree is a sin: Exposing personal doubts or difficulties is seen as sinful behavior, pushing people to repress their emotions

Denial of health problems: Mental or physical health issues are ignored, considered sins or even the person's own responsibility

Control through fear and shame: The community manipulates its members by leveraging the fear of divine punishment or public humiliation

Abuse justified or ignored: Abusive behavior by religious leaders – physical, emotional or verbal – is tolerated or excused, perpetuating a cycle of suffering

The long-term consequences for LGBTQ+ people

Experiences of religious abuse can have a devastating impact on the mental and spiritual health of LGBTQ+ people.

Self-denial and repression of sexuality: Many LGBTQ+ people who grew up in hostile religious environments find themselves having to repress their feelings, giving up on living their sexuality authentically. This internal conflict often leads to significant psychological suffering (Beagan & Hattie, 2015; Jones, Power, & Jones, 2022; Page et al., 2013).

Mental health and depression: One study found that 68% of LGBTQ+ people who experienced conflict between sexual identity and religious beliefs reported significant levels of depression. 25% had suicidal thoughts, and 29% attempted suicide (Subhi & Geelan, 2012).

Harmful coping strategies: The term “coping” refers to the mechanisms a person uses to deal with situations of stress or suffering. However, when these strategies become destructive, the discomfort can increase.
For example, many gay Orthodox Jewish men report marrying opposite-sex partners to hide their identity or participating in religious rituals to attempt to eliminate the “sin” of being gay (Itzhaky & Kissil, 2015). These behaviors, rather than alleviating the pain, amplify it, creating a sense of isolation and desperation.

Microaggressions and isolation: LGBTQ+ people may experience microaggressions in churches in the form of comments, attitudes, or behaviors that make them feel threatened, unwanted, or excluded. This can lead to lasting damage to their psychological and spiritual well-being, fueling feelings of loneliness and mourning for lost relationships and communities (Hollier et al., 2022).

How to overcome religious abuse: Addressing the effects of religious abuse takes time, awareness and the right support. Here are some tips for starting a healing journey (Powell, 2021):

Recognize the abuse: It is crucial to stop justifying the abuser's behavior and recognize that what happened was wrong, regardless of their stated intentions

Seek support: Talk to people you trust – family, friends or trained therapists – and consider joining support groups outside of religious beliefs

Set healthy boundaries: Religious abuse often involves a violation of personal boundaries. Work to regain control over your choices and protect yourself from further harm

Know that you are not alone: The trauma you experienced is not your fault nor a reflection of your ability to deal with difficulties. With the right support, you can overcome pain and rediscover your authenticity

* Amanda Hildreth is a therapist Abuse Refuge.org (ARO) a non-profit organization based in Ohio, USA, that offers support and resources to victims and survivors of various types of abuse. Their mission is to offer a “refuge” and a path to healing for them through educational and therapeutic programs.

Original text: The lgbtq+ community and religious abuse: unseen trauma

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