Three times parents. Catholic parents with LGBT children want to make a revolution
Article by Luca Attanasio published on the "day after tomorrow" supplement of the newspaper tomorrow of 15 May 2021, page IV
They met the Pope and think of a reform that begins in their spiritual life and involves the Church. The mothers and fathers of homosexual boys are convinced that an ecclesial change will also be political.
May 12, 2007 Mara Grassi He was in Rome. Left in the morning from Sant'Ilario d'Enza, in Reggiano, he found himself parading with his prayer club Familiaris Consortium Next to over a million people relating to groups, parishes, movements such as communion and liberation, neocatechumenals, Sant'Egidio, as well as at the top and sympathizers of the House of Freedoms and exponents of the far right. It was there for that family day that probably constituted one of the most important political facts of those months and gave a robust shoulder to the already shaky Prodi government.
The powerful Cardinal Vicar Camillo Ruini threatened retaliation against those who have refused to join the Catholic movements and groups, skilled in masking with the battle for greater attention to families, the real target of mobilization: the bill on civil unions that went down in history - Not in the documents because it was never approved - under the acronym I say. "For me there was only one type of family and when my son confessed to us his homosexuality, I reacted very badly. For ten years I have not accepted it, coming until it stops relationships ».
Wound and unable, out of induced shame, to share its anxieties with that world of which she was fully representative, the family of Mara and Agostino Usai, locks himself in herself. «We were all bad, not just my son. Then we learned of the existence in Parma of a group of believing parents of LGBT boys, we met them and the priests who followed them and opened a world. We understood that the foundations for a full welcome of all are in the Bible itself and for us it was a great liberation ».
The Last September 16th Mara was again in Rome. This time by the Pope, together with her husband and a group of LGBTT and parents. "Holiness - he said publicly - we are lucky parents, God made us a great and unexpected gift".
Nothing wrong
It is a rough path, irritated with thorns and chock full of holes, the one on which the believing parents of children LGBT walk. More bitter than their secular approval. In addition to the stigma that society imposes on anyone who has different affectivity from the straight one, they face the sense of irreparable sin, the exclusion, the aim of a church that still struggles to understand and welcome. At the same time, however, the journey undertaken reserves them unexpected joys, reconciliations, revelations, together with a real rediscovery of faith.
«Since I became aware of the happy condition of a gay mother I have experienced a double conversion, secular and spiritual, the relationship with the church has changed deeply - he says Anna Battaglia, a retired teacher of Ragusa -. Years ago we had a priest who served as a spiritual father to my whole family, he was at home and had been close to us when my husband died of an accident. Know of the homosexuality of my son literally said to me "It is the most terrible thing I could happen to you" ".
The episode was a shock for Anna and marked a point of no return. «Closed with an old Church, not with faith. The homosexuality of my son has shocked my certainties forcing me to go more deeply and to understand that with the Church we must do as with those parents who reject the different affectivity of the children: helping her patient to understand that not only is it not a shame, But an extraordinary resource ».
«We feel blessed by God - they say Serenella Lungarini and Salvatore Olmetto, a couple from Civitavecchia - because the homosexuality of our daughter put us into question, until that point we lived a very superficial faith, at the Mulino Bianco, where everything was in place. The first phase was hard, we struggled to understand and that priest who in the confessional said "you do not fall into the project of God" sparked in her, believer, a very serious depression ".
For this banality of evil, combined with a discriminatory judgment of many on the girl since, at nine, she understood without still revealing it, that she was lesbian, the whole Olmetto family had to pass through psychotherapy paths, periods of suffering, conflicts .
"Then we understood that there was nothing wrong with our daughter nor in us, we came into contact with believing parents of LGBT children and much changed around us, even the attitude of the diocese: it is the only one in Italy To have asked a pair of lay people, the two of us, to follow the family pastoral care and to deal with parents of LGBT children ».
A deep discomfort
The movements of the believing parents of LGBT people rapidly multiplied and rooted in 14 regions of Italy were arisen just over five years ago. On February 14 they gave birth to 3TimesParents (We become parents at the birth of a child; the coming out makes us rediscover them and the awareness of helping the Church to be more inclusive, makes us become parents for the third time), the first national network that coordinates the various experiences. They have several inspirations, positioning, come from very different contexts ranging from Catholicism more conservative to progressive movements. But they are all united by purposes and mission: helping themselves, helping their children and helping the Church.
«Our son - explain the Parmigiani Michela Munarini and Corrado Contini, founders of gruppo Davide, the first experience of parents in Italy - he wrote to us a letter that recited "the unrecognizability of a real love bond is the most serious injustice for a person: despising it, beat it, but if you also take away the honor of her love You will deprive the dignity of being human and son of God ". The next day, in the cathedral for a conference, I took the floor: "We are denying God to our children, we must first ask for forgiveness" ".
Since then, the two follow couples of LGBT people In their paths of faith and approach to the civil union and live the commitment of civil and ecclesial liberation with intensity. Also because of a still reinforced pervasiveness of the Catholic Church in society, our country is unable to deal with the different affective guidelines. Beyond the enormous divisions also recently emerged around the DDL Zan, there is a profound discomfort that permeates the population intimately and which in the end dominates the thought, makes it almost unique.
Much has changed in recent years by us and in the world, if we think that up to three decades ago homosexuality was included by the WHO in the list of mental diseases (it is to celebrate the definitive removal that took place on May 17, 1990 that on Monday it is celebrated on Monday there Intentional day against homophobia, bifia and transphobia, ed). If, on the other hand, the mind returns to public figures who evoke ovens or serenely extend their annoyances or disgusts, to the continuous aggressions, but also to comedians who invite the "rich" in phases a laugh, guilty of not being able to smile of infinite intimate suffering, yes It includes how far we are again.
"In this story of denials of rights, the Catholic Church plays a leading role - says Maria Rosaria di Spirito, a retired Foggia teacher, with previous frequency, his and her husband, in hypercattolic movements as renewal of the spirit and neocatechumanal -.
Our son simply for the fact that he did not like football and had different interests, he was bullied since elementary and second media he manifested very serious forms of self -harm with suicidal thoughts. Initially we felt the understanding of our environment, but when, later, my son revealed his homosexuality, we perceived a great coldness. The worst thing is that the Church puts parents against their children and among them, is a war message ».
The continuous grav of Zan also founds its roots on constant aversion expressed by the Episcopal Conference Which, until last April 27, recalled the need to "serenely reaffirm the singularity and uniqueness of the family, made up of the union of man and women". But if something right in the church is changing, as the many also testify Diocesan vigils organized throughout Italy against homotransphobia In these days, it is also due to this mild thorn in the side represented by LGBT believers and their parents.
"THE Groups of parents of children believing LGBT - Beatrice Sarti is sure, Bolognese entrepreneur Catholic mother of two boys one of whom gay and among the founders with the husband of families on the way - have this splendid double function: with one hand they hold our boys, with the other the church. Being next to our son and the many guys with whom we come in touch, led us to a true regeneration in faith but also in our life as a couple ».
«I am sincere - says Maria Rosaria Quaranta, Tarantina, mother of three children two of whom are transgender and member de The olive tree of life - My husband and I have been engaged in the parish for a long time, but after so many humiliations we moved away from the church. This does not mean that it is a closed chapter: the rediscovery of a more authentic faith that I am experimenting pushes me to fight in the hope of returning to us ».
"Without a doubt - he explains Don Dino Daloia Parish priest and manager of the LGBT pastoral care of the diocese of San Severo, Foggia - the most integrated parents in the ecclesial environment and more imbued with Catholic doctrinal culture, they struggle more to travel to new visions of love relationships. I know stories of great refusal, violence and pain, not only of the children but of the parents themselves ».
Change politics
The difficulties, however, also await those apparently more open parents. «For years - says Stefano Toppi Member, together with his wife Goddess Santonico, of the community of San Paolo in Rome, founded by Don Franzoni, an ex Benedictine abbot reduced to the secular state for his well -known progressive positions - I participated and animated meetings on LGBT Christians in my church and always flaunted full understanding. But when it was to face my son's homosexuality, I felt the need to make myself followed by a psychotherapist: to help my boyfriend, I had to help myself before ».
«None of us ever thought about sin - echoes him - but it was not an easy journey. The anxieties also include concerns about news stories, discrimination ». Goddess and Stefano are founders of Word group and words, the only one in Italy in which both parents and LGBT people participate "the mission of us parents, as well as ecclesial, has a great political value, because in Italy, everything that aims to change the Church has a relapse on all ».
