We parents with a transgender child must "get out of our certainties to venture into unexplored territories"

Testimony from Elena from the group Lives New Christian Families in Transition

A "more than tomboy" girl, this is how our creature was introduced to us at ten years old, when we welcomed her into foster care. We were totally unprepared to understand the dimension of gender identity, and unfortunately the specialists we initially turned to were not able to help us much: «We have to wait, it's too early to define sexual identity, it's just a question of the image with which you want to present yourself to others."

How many mistakes we made and how much pain she/he carried inside. In his diary he wrote: «I'm a little girl who dresses like a boy». I remember the discomfort over the bathing suit and the desperate crying because, in addition to the shirt and trousers, she wanted to buy a nice vest for the first wedding we took her to*. They told us to "contain it". I always hoped and waited for her to express what she felt, but it wasn't easy for her/him to trust, for fear of being rejected.

Then came puberty and physical development (at the same time as COVID!), those unwanted feminine shapes. If before it was easier to see oneself as neutral or perhaps masculine, it now became clear that this could no longer be the case. In the spring of seventh grade the first crises, bad thoughts and self-harm: when we saw a wound, she always told us she had fallen. I remember our anguished concern.

Then in June what would have been only the first coming out: "I'm homosexual, I know you would have wanted a normal daughter." I was prepared for the news, I expected it, so I reacted well, I reassured him*, I made him feel welcomed. But over the course of the summer things worsened: the panic attacks began, the refusal of food, and we didn't understand the reason for all this suffering.

The reason arrived in October: «I feel like a boy, I want to be a boy, it has always been like this. I want to immediately ask that they call me the male name at school." I reacted less well to that second coming out, it seemed like a gigantic thing for such a fragile little creature to face: «Say it at school?! Will the teachers understand? How will others react? Can't we wait to say it?". We couldn't wait, it was an absolute emergency, but we were humanly and understandably scared and worried.

The following months were very hard and, even now that our son is sixteen years old, there are still many hardships, but on this journey Jesus was the Light that helped us. He who loves with an immense love and welcomes everyone, indeed he goes looking for the most discriminated against, is the reference who not only gave us comfort and hope but who showed us the path of unconditional love and courage. He is the "Gate of the sheep" (Jn 10, 1-10), that point of passage between the shelter of the sheepfold and the outside world, which - like life - offers the nourishment of the pasture but also uncertainties and dangers. He, with his example, invites us to leave our parental certainties and venture into unexplored territories, always moving between different landscapes.

Thanks to Willy we discovered new topics, faced new challenges and had the opportunity to meet very special people. To those who tell me: "What a great problem you have, what a great problem!", or who doesn't say it but thinks it, I reply that this boy is just a grace who has opened our minds and hearts. Certainly no one knows where the journey of life takes him, not even Willy, but walking with him is certainly surprising and beautiful.

I can only advise parents who have to face this experience to welcome their children with all their heart, to throw their hearts beyond the obstacle and to trust and entrust their children to the love of Jesus, who invites us to "not fear”, because Love is greater than pain and misunderstandings.

*Testimony collectedas part of the “Born twice” project, con cui i volontari del Jonathan Project vogliono raccontare i cammini di fede delle persone transgender e dei loro familiari. A maggio 2025, in occasione delle Prayer vigils to overcome homotransbiphobia, alcune di queste storie saranno raccolte da Jonathan's tentin a free printed booklet, which will tell the story of the faith journeys of transgender, Catholic and evangelical people, and their family members in the various churches. A collection of testimonies with which we want to weave a bridge of knowledge between these two often distant worlds, to help break down walls and prejudices. To read the testimonies we have already collected click onhttps://www.gionata.org/tag/nati-due-volte/ . Se vuoi aggiungere la tua scrivi a tendedigionata@gmail.com PASSAparola