Gay and "diabolical" Dark Room ones
Considerations of Emanuele Macca of the Guado Cdi Milan group
Dark or semi -stainlessness, smell of closed and sweat, bodies that touch and touch each other, desires and drives that want to express themselves freely and take off the veil of every censorship ... there is a mixture of liberation and obsession, the eye and it I often look dominate and crush the word and listen.
We are also children of our carnal drives and children of a society that has economized everything. What once was hidden behind the trees and bushes, in the fields or ponds, now it is also done in rooms designed especially for the consumption of carnality.
And Milan of these realities is rich ... so rich as to have all the sexual and aesthetic tastes. There are those dominated by the dark and the sense of transgression, those specialized for fetishisms and cleaner and with well -kept and bright areas for a "more demanding" audience who loves to maintain spaces of normal socialization.
A bar, a sauna, a waiter with the only physically well done briefs, with a bright and possibly all depilated speaker ... that boy that everyone would dream of shaking between their arms to live with him a moment of passion.
I was struck by what attention to the details described them from Tolve (1) in his autobiography which tells his transition from the Omo to internosexuality. With the gaze of all parents they are terrible places, anyone who reads these lines would feel disgust if binds them to a loved one and all the more to his son.
Yet they are places that have been part of a whole story, of a whole humanity, along the street, sometimes inside and sometimes outside the city walls. With our body and his desires we must deal: cancel and demonize it, consider it only eternal prison of a reality without purpose if not in a different and totally alternative dimension, does not make justice of God who made himself man, flesh, sweat, person With all that this entails.
There is a do not know that of diabolical in places that manifest all the carnality of man and flatten us in this meat ... but there is also a diabolical dimension in creating a good for everyone almost unreachable that makes us masks that must say What they are not and must repress a piece of their "identity".
I lived these places too, but I lived them with an always different spirit with the passage of time. I started from a schizophrenically frequenting them as something in which homosexual Emanuele could experience aspects of himself that in the rest of life had to "forcefully" censor until one day ... a "miracle" happened ...
The anxiety linked to my Caduca health and my physical disistake has always made me live sexual intercourse as a maximum expression of physicality.
But the attraction for the body - as human is - has always belonged to me; Observe the beautiful guys, wishing that they embraced me and touching, observing nudity as something absolutely natural has always been part of my nature. And I think this is what has often led me to attend these places.
The ancestral and sometimes overwhelming smells of human physicality and every expression I have known them, but throwing myself to the end in such experiences I have not had the courage to do it. Look and touch yes, but go all the way no! I have always felt prisoner of this aborted desire for his birth.
Yet even these experiences have purchased a sense, with the spending of nights and years. That apparent prison that prevented me from fully diving into the most unbridled sexuality, in giving me in full to other bodies that almost certainly the next day would not even have remembered my existence, it was a way to develop observation and reflection.
How many faces I have seen, how many people have slipped away before my eyes without hiding anything of them, perhaps taking a tacit pact for granted ... "that being all passed from that corner of the forbidden world nobody would have ever talked about it outside with others ".
People who trembled from desire, older people in rooms full of often superb or at least non -dialogue brands (moreover they were there to work, not to weave human bonds), but also people who without problems treated you from equal to equal and that you They told pieces of their story. Someone having drank a few too many glass, having taken on some too many cocktails, lost control and said and cried everything that otherwise would never have had the strength to say. A couple of boys were hiring hormones to change sex without any medical supervision ... they were lives next to mine!
And I had the honor of collecting small fragments of lives ... I thus learned to make sense of those places. And several times I happened to go out in the morning and go to pray in the nearest church, full of a overflowing emotion, with the heart that at times was swollen with serenity, the serenity of having known people and being able to share these stories with Gentleman.
I cannot demonize these premises as Tolve (2) ... I cannot demonize the experience of people who is also a piece of my experience. But I would also live as a nightmare to think that those places are the peak of my life, the best way to spend the free moments of my existence.
Like all human beings, they are and I think I will always be hovering between my physicality and my spirituality, but there I also learned that everything that is experienced by us becomes unique and not classifiable. In fact, with our eyes and emotions we also help to make the places. This awareness I carry with me ... and if I will know how to apply it everywhere, at any unexpected moment of my life perhaps I will know how to live better and more in harmony with the world.
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(1) LUCA DI TOLVE, “Ero gay. A Medjugorje ho ritrovato me stesso”, ed. Piemme, pagg. 110 – 114 dove Di Tolve descrive le varie tipologie di locali nei capitoli “Sadomasochismo su misura” e “Una questione di
Unfortunately, however, Tolve speaks only of these stories by reinforcing the idea that many of those who pass from these places stop. It does not deepen but rather liquidates those gays who also by virtue of a search for faith seek and live alternative and more mature dimensions or having never attended these rooms or living them without that obsession described in the book but aware that the real relationships are something else and aiming basically looking for this "other".
(2) cit., Of Tolve does not disdain to mention the incorrect interpretation that makes the word drag queen such Andrea Berardicurti in art "La Karl du Pugnet" who says that Drag Queen means "Queen Drago" inspired by the Chinese queens who wore clothes and exaggerated hairstyles to such an extent that in order to move they had to be transformed by slaves. It is known that in English Drago is said to be "dragon", and in any case the author makes a further forcing transforming a quote of costume into an ethical and valiant fact by approaching the dragon to that biblical figure who opposes God and the Leviathan almost to say That even the "drag queen" are a satanic call.
To conclude with Michele's quote, the author of "Escaped from Satan" (always Piemme editions), who states that human sacrifice is the most welcome to Lucifer, and to follow the sodomitic act that, although it is less bloody with respect to the first, it is liable to be repeated thousands of times (p. 132).
