Mom are lesbian! Why don't you know how to love me as I am?

Testimony sent to us by Micaela

I present myself I am Micaela I am almost 21 years old, I am homosexual and proud to be. Everything and started a year ago, when I decided to live my life as I really want and to stop lying to myself.
It was not easy to accept me, on the contrary, it was hard because I was not convinced of what I felt and what I felt towards my sex, but I was afraid. Fear due to people's prejudices, but above all of my family's opinion, which I consider the most precious good I have.

After a year I managed to say to me to my two older sisters, I don't deny that it was not easy rather and still and I still know that I can count on them anyway, and this helps me to go on. Perhaps my sisters within them really still cannot accept my homosexuality and in their hearts they hope that one day I can change. I don't deny you that however this thing inside me makes me sick.
Yes it is true, I know that they are there for me anyway, but I know I have disappointed them. I see it from how they behave when you touch this topic I see their faces I see their eyes contrary .. unfortunately ... but I can't do anything, I am so and I am happy and proud to be as I am.

In the end I did not hurt anyone, I live my love and my life without hurting anyone, without offending anyone, each of us has the right to live his life as best he believes, just or wrong it is, because we are deciding what always do in compliance with others.
But the thing that hurts me the most, that thing that assillates me day and night that makes me cry my heart is my mother's reaction. She knows about me too. One day I cried for a girl, I told him this story and this girl, with a different ending I said to her: "Mom and if I told you that this girl is called Federica".

I don't tell you the reaction, he began to cry. The next day I denied everything by saying: "Mom and was a moment, but do you think I can be gay?". A year has passed since that day and in this period, the ugliest of my life, she spoke to me openly saying: “What are you? Lesbian! What! You never speak. " I read in his eyes a mother disappointed and injured by a daughter who, in the end, chose only with those who will pass his life.

Passing her life with a woman, in this way I could be happy .. but she does not understand it, on the contrary, to date the relationship and changed and I feel it .. first with her I had a beautiful relationship of hugs, kisses, jokes. Today is all the smallest thing even, as in an Abraccio, I read his disappointment in his eyes, his sorrow.
This kills me, kills me inside. A pain that only I can understand. A pain that assails you the night before sleeping, a pain that also leads you to make ugly thoughts, that no one should ever do.

I wonder if I am doing the right thing, if it is better to give up my happiness for the good of others, already the good of others ... I wonder, but why nobody thinks of my good, then I tell myself cabbage: "Micaela but what do you do of evil ?? Nothing! I didn't kill anyone, I just decided to love a person like me! So where the problem is !!! My mother, like the others in their lives, made right and wrong choices, they made them without constraints ..

So now I have to do what I feel, what my heart tells me. I hope that one day my mother, my sisters and my family will be able to really understand and be close to me, as I hope and as I wish ... I would like to talk about me freely, my life and the person I love. I would like to read their approval, happiness and pride towards me in their eyes.
Which unfortunately is no longer there. This is the thing I would like most in this world, that my mother hugged me very strong, as she knows how to do, and whispered to me: “Micaela I am proud of you, whether you are straight or lesbian it doesn't matter, you are always my daughter and I love you as before ".

This and my dream, who knows maybe I ask a lot. I do not know…